Just have to tell someone.

[CurtHowland]

The ex is taking my two children and moving in with her new boyfriend.

Just had to say it somewhere. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

I think I'm going to scream myself horse now.

[KBCraig]

Feel free to scream using stronger language.

My previous marriage produced two wonderful sons, neither of whom will speak to me now (we separated in 1998, and the boys are now 20 and almost 16). For a few years during what now proves to be a critical time in their lives, I went through extremely restricted visitation (especially when I had the nerve to remarry, which prompted their mother to scream that I'd never see the boys again -- funny thing, she'd already been remarried two years at that point).

We had been really reconnecting the last couple of years, especially when the older started driving and weekend visitation didn't mean 600 miles of driving on my part (never once did their mother live up to the agreement that she would do the driving one weekend a month; I did it all, both ways).

And then their mother passed away suddenly last October, and I found out that what I thought was a strengthening relationship, really wasn't. They believed I had been abusive to their mother (I hadn't), and that I had stopped seeing them because I had gotten remarried (technically true, but not of my choosing). I was the sole surviving parent, and we had joint custody, so automatically full custody of the 15 year old reverted to me.

Or so I thought. Their father, a wealthy physician and well-connected in his town, filed for an emergency order of guardianship. The boys took the stand in court, and both said some horrible and untrue things about me. It was obviously rehearsed and coached, since  they gave identical testimony.

Neither has spoken to me since that day at the courthouse. It makes me wonder if I did the right thing about never once speaking negatively about their mother, and never telling them the truth of our breakup (wasn't my choice and wasn't my fault, and I'll leave it at that), or what went on before then.

Sorry, Curt. I didn't mean to turn this into my story instead of yours. I'm just letting you know there are people who understand what you're going through. There are  a number of them right there in NH, like Shyfrog and Freedom Fred. Russell's certainly been through his share of crap, too.

Above all, see those kids every chance you get, and make it happy family time.

[CurtHowland]

It's easy enough to say "life isn't fair", it's just hard when it really isn't fair.

My ex tried filing an emergency lawsuit against me, for "contempt of court", after she had told the boy's daycare so often that I was "dangerous" that the slightest misstep on my part (saying "no" when they said "have a nice day") caused them to kick him out, with a "no unsupervised visitation" clause.

I discovered that trying to defend myself against her charges would bankrupt me, at which time she would just file another "contempt of court" charge when I didn't have the money to pay 50% of the daycare, summer camp, and other things I objected to in the first place. So rather than face endless law suits I couldn't fight, I said, "just let me go. take custody, give me 4 weeks with the kids a year."

She accepted. Then told me how she was so surprised that I traded custody for "child support" and how could I be so stingy and careless of my own kids?

The lies we tell ourselves are the worst lies of all.

Anyway, KB, your story only reinforces my deepest nightmares, that somehow she'll find a way to turn the kids (who hate her for what she did) by the time I might get to hold them again.

Enough. I can't even drink myself to sleep. I've been crying for 8 months, and there's no end in sight.

She was so angry that I took the boy to PorcFest last year that she got it written into the separation agreement that I may not take the kids to any "party politics", and then labeled PF as verboten.

Right. I'd have a 8 year old and a 4 year old doing what, memorizing Libertarian dialectic? Singing songs to chairman Rothbard the way she was forced to sing songs to Chairman Mao in China when she was a child?

Lies, damned lies, and statistics. and nothing I can do. and miles to go before I sleep. and miles to go before I sleep.

[Russell Kanning]

I was really sad shocked and then angry when my exwife kicked me out and slowly didn't let me see my kids. It never got better. I just learned that I didn't have a right to anythiing, which has changed my life.
My 2 boys don't want to talk to me, but I exchange emails my daughter.
When I finally gave up waiting for my exwife to change her mind, I got married to a much nicer person, which is wonderful.
All of my best laid plans for marriage, family, and money .... were lost. But life keeps going and is as good as we make it.

[Lloyd Danforth]

My nephew is going through this. Divorce is bad enough without one of the parties being vicious.