Some jokes for today

[Raineyrocks]

1. Congressman's Money   

   
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."

The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"


2.  A Real Watch Dog   

   
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."


3.     Future Handicapping   

   
George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

[AnarchoJesse]

A man sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He looks miserable. The bartender hands him a beer, and asks "So, what's up chief? Why you look so down?"

The man looks up and sighs, "I was fired from my job as a taxi driver after 30 years of work. It's all I know, it's all I ever did. I loved that job." He downed his beer, and hung his head. The barkeep made a frown for sympathy, and asked "Well, what happened? How did you get fired?"

The man replied "I refused to pick up people statistically likely to rob me". He motioned for another beer. As the bartender handed him his beer, he inquired "Teens?"

"No" replied the man.

The bartender leaned in a bit and spoke in a hushed tone, "Latinos"?

"No" replied the man.

The bartender arched his eyebrow and leaned in a bit more, "Blacks?"

"No," replied the man, "politicians".