make your request for a stimulus payment

[djbridgeland]

http://www.reason.com/stimulus/request.php

Make your request for an economic stimulus payment. Please limit your request to $350,000,000,000 I was approved for $1,000,000 to live after a layoff.   

[K. Darien Freeheart]

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $141.01 shall be paid directly to Kevin Dean in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Kevin Dean to pay for gas while moving to New Hampshire for the Free State Project or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Kevin Dean will receive free Blink 182 tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Kevin Dean shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Everyone is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

[Friday]

Sorry, Kevin, but after a furious all-night bi-partisan negotiation session, the proposed text of the subsection of Title III, Subtitle A plan quoted by you above has been forthwith struck and amended to the following:

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Friday Jones for the Friday Jones Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

      For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $1180.40 shall be paid directly to Friday Jones in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Friday Jones to Starbucks stimulus plan: funds one triple grande mocha on every workday for the next 12 months or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Friday Jones will receive free Battlestar Galactica tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Friday Jones shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Paul Hodes is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

Note: I'm not strongly wedded to the idea of retaining all  members of Congress *except* Paul Hodes.  Have your people meet with my people; I feel optimistic that a compromise solution can be reached (perhaps we expel HALF the members of Congress?)

[dalebert]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEDIyztZGBA

[K. Darien Freeheart]

Sorry, Kevin, but after a furious all-night bi-partisan negotiation session, the proposed text of the subsection of Title III, Subtitle A plan quoted by you above has been forthwith struck and amended to the following:

That phrase ALONE made my eyeballs bleed. I didn't even GET to the stimulus wording!