Anyone good at cleaning up letters to the editor?

[doobie]

I'm writing to the editors of a newspaper.  I wrote what I wanted to say and had 550 words.  I cleaned it up and have 260.  I'd like to get another 30-50 cut.  I would appreciate assistance.  I'm thinking maybe removing the info added between ()'s might be a good start, but it does somewhat add value

"Hello Police?  I'm will be exercising my First Amendment Rights at the Town Common today, please don't harass me."

Imagine you had to inform the police you were about to exercise your Rights to prevent harassment.  How would you feel?  On December 28th Concord had unseasonable warm weather and I decided to do just that.  I took a walk around Concord while exercising my Second Amendment Rights.  After about two hours of walking three police cruises came down the opposite side of the Loudon Rd.  About a minute later I have three officers detaining me and asking me about my business.  They tell me I'm not doing anything wrong but am not free to go.  According to them someone called the police saying a man was walking with two pistols.  After showing them it was only one (the other was a flashlight) and being detained for ten minutes while the officers kept telling me that I'm not being cooperative for not carrying ID (not required while walking) and that how do they know I'm not lying to them about who I am (which is illegal).  Flash forward to last week, when I'm detained again, same reason, same town, but different location.  I'm told if I don't want to be harassed I can call the police station and inform them I'll be exercising my rights.  No thanks, I think I'll organize 20+ Liberty Lovers to open carry their pistols while cleaning up litter in Concord on Sunday March 22th at the State House in Concord starting at 1PM.

TIA!

Here is an alternative that was proposed elsewhere:

In an effort to inform New Hampshire citizens about their "right to keep and bear arms in defense of themselves, their families, their property and the state", as outlined in the state constitution – Article 2-A-, and to raise awareness about the fact that openly carrying a firearm upon one's person is legal in this state, there will be a voluntary open carry liter pick up in Concord on Sunday, March 22nd, at 1:00 pm. Liberty loving New Hampshire citizens are invited to join in celebrating our rights, while helping to keep the streets of our Capitol clean. Please join us in celebrating our freedom, our heritage, and preserving the rights that our forefathers endowed us with for generations to come.

[Jan]

I'm writing to the editors of a newspaper.  I wrote what I wanted to say and had 550 words.  I cleaned it up and have 260.  I'd like to get another 30-50 cut.  I would appreciate assistance.  I'm thinking maybe removing the info added between ()'s might be a good start, but it does somewhat add value

"Hello Police?  I will be exercising my First Amendment Rights at the Town Common today, please don't harass me."

Imagine you had to inform police before exercising your Rights in order to prevent harassment.  How would you feel?  On December 28th Concord had unseasonable warm weather and I decided to do just that.  I took a walk around Concord while exercising my Second Amendment Rights.  Two hours later three police officers stopped and detained me, asking me about my business.  They told me I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I was not free to go.  Apparently someone called the police saying a man was walking with two pistols.  I showed them I only had one (the other was a flashlight), but I was still detained for ten minutes while the officers accused me of being uncooperative because I wasn't carrying ID (not required while walking).  They asked how they would know if I was lying to them about who I am (which is illegal).  Flash forward to last week.  I'm detained again, same reason, same town, but different location.  I'm told if I don't want to be harassed I can call the police station and inform them I'll be exercising my rights.  No thanks, I think I'll organize 20+ Liberty Lovers to open carry their pistols while cleaning up litter in Concord on Sunday March 22th at the State House in Concord starting at 1PM.

TIA!

How's the above edit?  216 words.  Do you want the title to read first amendment or second amendment?

[Recumbent ReCycler]

"Hello Police?  I will be exercising my Constitutional Rights at the Town Common today.  Please don't harass me."

Imagine you had to inform police before exercising your Rights in order to prevent harassment.  How would you feel?  On December 28th Concord had unseasonable warm weather and I decided to walk around Concord while exercising my Second Amendment Rights.  Two hours later three police officers stopped and detained me, asking me about my business.  They told me I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I was not free to go.  Apparently someone called the police saying a man was walking with two pistols.  I showed them I only had one (the other was a flashlight), but I was still detained for ten minutes while the officers accused me of being uncooperative because I wasn't carrying ID (not required while walking).  They asked how they would know if I was lying to them about who I am (which is illegal).  Flash forward to last week.  I'm detained again, same reason, same town, but different location.  I'm told if I don't want to be harassed I can call the police station and inform them I'll be exercising my rights.  No thanks.  I think I'll ask 20+ Liberty Lovers to open carry their pistols while cleaning up litter in Concord on Sunday March 22th at the State House in Concord starting at 1PM.

TIA!

What do you think of this version?

[thinkliberty]

Did you call the police before you practiced your first amendment right to post a message on this forum?

I would ask them if they really want me to call them every time I plan on exercising one of my rights...  Maybe we should ALL call them every time any of us plan to exercise any of our rights.