Here's some jokes

[Raineyrocks]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels.



She asked, 'What's on TV?'



I said, 'Dust.'



And then the fight started...



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take

her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school

reunion, and my wife

kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat

alone at a nearby table. 



I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'



'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up

those many years

ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a

person could go on celebrating that long?'



And then the fight started...



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some

reason, took my order first.



"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,

please."



He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad

cow?"



"Naaah, she can order for herself."



And then the fight started...



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her

husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really

need you to pay me a compliment.'



The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near

perfect.'



And then the fight started..... .



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light

for $14.95.



Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.



I told her the beer would make her look better at night

than the cold cream.



And then the fight started....



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our

anniversary? "



It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet

appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

she said.



So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"



And that's when the fight started....



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *



When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife

kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of

first:

the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more

important to me.



Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.



When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the

house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I

handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said,

'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *