Communicating More Effectively

[TackleTheWorld]

I'm scared.

[Jim Johnson]

I can see why, with all of the aggressive people here.

[Tom Sawyer]

What a bunch of bed wetting nonsense...  "Mommy he aggressed against me!"   

[dalebert]

When is Dale going to answer the question?

Reply #10 wasn't an answer?

[dalebert]

What a bunch of bed wetting nonsense...  "Mommy he aggressed against me!"   

But understand that's not NVC.  One of the things he talks about in his presentation was that someone can't make you feel anything with their words.  You choose to feel what you feel.  A skill to master is to not be reactive to insults and just respond in kind because the communication breaks down.  We choose to turn a conversation into a fight which has to result in a clear winner or loser because that's the culture we've been immersed in from a young age.  But as more people learn NVC skills, we can start to effect a change in that culture.

I like to think of it as a tool.  If you  have a crowbar, you can move bigger rocks than if you didn't.  You won't avoid or solve every conflict with it just like you won't be able to move any sized boulder if you have a crowbar, but you're still better off.  Two people communicating with NVC skills is great, but if one of them uses those skills, it's still better than neither.   So if someone comes at you with insults and judgments, having a thick skin as you suggest and not just starting a fight over it is part of the skill set to develop.

[Tom Sawyer]

I'm with you Dale... empathy and not trying to dominate is important to reaching people.

I've been able to get along with people that others were having trouble with simple by not reacting and counterattacking them... the worst I would do is politely withdraw my attention from them... eventually they realized I was not interested in conflict. Becoming people I liked to deal with.

[Pat K]

Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

I don't feel like people aren't paying attention to me.  Am I mistaken?  Haha.

I lobbed a softball to Pat with that one.

Don't be throwing softballs at me you aggressive bastard!

[KBCraig]

I'm with you Dale... empathy and not trying to dominate is important to reaching people.

I've been able to get along with people that others were having trouble with simple by not reacting and counterattacking them... the worst I would do is politely withdraw my attention from them... eventually they realized I was not interested in conflict. Becoming people I liked to deal with.

So... is passive-aggressive still aggressive? 

[shyfrog]

I'm with you Dale... empathy and not trying to dominate is important to reaching people.

I've been able to get along with people that others were having trouble with simple by not reacting and counterattacking them... the worst I would do is politely withdraw my attention from them... eventually they realized I was not interested in conflict. Becoming people I liked to deal with.

So... is passive-aggressive still aggressive? 

My downstairs neighbor writes notes and tapes them up everywhere... "PLEASE shut the door", "It is UNNECESSARY to jump off the last stair when going down the stairs. PLEASE don't do it", THIS is NOT a parking spot", etc.


edit: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

[Jim Johnson]

When is Dale going to answer the question?

Reply #10 wasn't an answer?

"I don't feel like people aren't paying attention to me." is a negative answer.  I except your negative feelings as to whether people are listening to you or not.

[John]

So... is passive-aggressive still aggressive? 

For the first time ever that I am aware of, someone in the not to distant past, made reference to a little piece of my behavior as being passive-aggressive, and I laughed to myself. Man, I haven't heard so many people generally thowing that phyco-babble term around since who-knows-when. Whenever I hear or read that term, I always think, "Wow, that is so what-would-it-be, like seventies, or something?"

Anyway, when I read it applied to my behaviour I thought (as I smiled), "Hmm? I guess that, now, if I'm so completely passive about something someone has said or done, and, let's say maybe, I just walk away; somehow that is now interpreted as being aggressive." Well, if that is in fact aggressive behavior, and that is the level of my aggressiveness, then probably the world won't have to worry too much about me.