One sh*tty engagement

[KBCraig]

http://www.wmur.com/news/nh-news/Man-accused-of-swallowing-diamond-engagement-ring/-/9857858/19725598/-/uqg4fvz/-/index.html


MANCHESTER, N.H. —Police in Manchester say a man tried to steal a ring from a jewelry store but swallowed it when he discovered he was locked in.

Manchester police said they were called to Bellman's Jewelers on Elm Street on Thursday evening, where three employees were detaining a man suspected of stealing a ring.

The employees said the man, Ronald Perley, 52, of Manchester, had asked to see engagement rings. An employee produced a tray of rings, and after Perley looked at one and gave it back, he picked up another ring and ran toward the door, police said.

But because of security measures at the store, Perley was unable to open the locked door, police said. As staff confronted him, they saw him put his hand to his mouth and swallow, and they believed he swallowed the ring, police said.

The employees told police that Perley denied any wrongdoing and agreed to wait for police. Officers reviewed surveillance video, and police said it appeared to show that Perley had taken a ring.

Police said Perley consented to an initial search, but the $3,200 white gold and diamond ring wasn't found on him and wasn't found in the store.

Police took Perley into custody pending the application of a search warrant. The warrant was granted, and Perley was taken to Elliot Hospital, where an X-ray showed that a ring was inside his body, police said.

[Sam A. Robrin]

Dale and I needed a throwaway number for a karaoke scene in one of the screenplays we wrote, so I came up with this.  When people ask me why I don't write love songs, this is what I show them:

LOVE DEEP DOWN
COPYRIGHT MR 2010 by Sam A. Robrin.  Creative Commons, blah, blah, woof, woof.   Go ahead and use it, but if you make a little money on it, I want some!

     Every time I hold her hand,
          I'll be reminded of
     That little gold-and-diamond band—
          The symbol of our love.

   My love for you
   Goes deep down, too—
   Way deep down, and all the way through.
      The path of love may twist and bend,
      But things come out right in the end.

I wanted to ask her to marry me,
     And planned out a little surprise.
It always warms up my heart to see
     That look of delight in her eyes.
              It occurred to me that it might be nice
              To freeze the ring in a cube of ice.

     I asked her to come to my house that night.
          Cooked a dinner to please a king.
     Served cocktails for two by candlelight,
          And gave her the one with the ring.
                   "For a special lady: a special drink."
                   And she did—exactly what you think.

   My love for you
   Goes deep down, too—
   Way deep down, and all the way through.
      The path of love may twist and bend,
      But things come out right in the end.

"I like to eat ice cubes," she said with a pout,
     And the perfect date went ka-boom.
I hadn't planned upon going out—
     Not to the emergency room!
              Nurses, X-rays, exams, technicians—
              Love thrives under the worst conditions.

     The doc called us in and had this to say:
          "It's not sharp, like a thumbtack or glass.
     With a couple of pills, you should be okay.
          Don't worry—this, too, shall pass."
                   And though I expected to take the blame,
                   That sweet girl married me just the same.            

   My love for you
   Goes deep down, too—
   Way deep down, and all the way through.
      The path of love may twist and bend
      But things come out right in the end.

     You don't need to know exactly how,
          But we managed to retrieve it.
     That ring is on her finger now,
          Never again to leave it.
                                 
     Every time I hold her hand,
          I'll be reminded of
     That little gold-and-diamond band—
          The symbol of our love.

   My love for you
   Goes deep down, too—
   Way deep down, and all the way through.
      The path of love may twist and bend,
      But things come out right in the end.

[Raineyrocks]

 

Your title to this thread is hilarious KB