Toxic people

[shyfrog]

I'll just have to let my kids tell everyone about their crazy mom 

[BillKauffman]

Most people who were emotionally or physically abused in childhood are dealing with issues of shame (I am worthless/flawed/unlovable). Good boundaries are never learned and instead they substitute primary ego defenses (denial, blame, projection, etc). They unconsciously attempt to get rid of this feeling they have internalized from their boundaries being violated by giving the shame to someone else (typically their children).

Parents are suppose to love their children unconditional (no matter what the child does). Most parents try and modify their kids behavior by some form of conditional love.

Parents who have boundary issues themselves end up emotionally abandoning their own children by forcing them to make-up for their own unmet childhood needs.

Kids have needs that adults are suppose to provide for. Kids are dependent on the adults in their life to meet their needs and mirror back healthy emotions without being so judgemental (boys are socialized out of their emotions). Adults have wants that they ask other adults for...if they have unmet childhood needs they should seek resources that can help them - not burden their children.

[Kat Kanning]

What a load of bull. 

[cathleeninnh]

I certainly read your tale from a different light. I also traveled with my mother, but as a teen and naturally cringed over some of her behavior. I know the despair that prevents you from responding the way you would like to because she is your mother. Another person, say a peer of hers, might not have gotten the treatment you did and certainly would have given her an earful if she had. So a lot of your difficulties are that you are mother and daughter.

Hopefully, now that you are a more mature adult, you have found a better position (distance?) and relationship with her. I know that I had to limit my exposures to my mother to maintain my sanity. Only now, years after her death have I reached a comfortable understanding of her intrusions and control in my life. I still mourn both her death and my inability to take my life more fully into my own hands.

Cathleen

[Lloyd Danforth]

Maybe Stewie is on to something!