Here's some funny warning labels

[Raineyrocks]

Wacky Warning Labels

May 7, 2003

A thousand years from now the archeologists will dig us up and they may not realize that the doctors were paranoid, the teachers couldn't run a classroom, that seesaws have all disappeared in a fit of legal frenzy. But what they'll see in black and white are all the warning signs. They're going to give us a name like the Age Without Reason. Caution: contents are hot on billions of coffee cups. There will be a whole sub-area of archeology trying to figure out whether coffee was an aphrodisiac. There is a contest every year with the stupidest warning labels. One of last year's winners was on a composite fireplace log that said, "Caution: risk of fire." Our favorite one is the one on the baby stroller that said, "Caution: remove baby before folding stroller."

What's happened in our society? You look at all these things, they all have one thing in common, which is that people aren't doing what they know is right -- the doctors, the teachers, the people putting in playgrounds, the manufacturers putting warning labels on everything. Why not? Because people can't trust the system of justice to protect them, so they add a warning label. But there are so many warning labels that people are just crying wolf. People don't read warning labels. They are just a symptom of how far off the mark our system of justice has gone.

2003's Wackiest Warning Labels Are In!

The contest, now in its seventh year, highlights the ridiculous warning labels that have become commonplace, as Americans respond to fear of litigation by seeking to protect themselves in any way possible.

This year's winning labels are:

1. A label on a bottle of drain cleaner which reads: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

2. A label on a snow sled for children which warns: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

3. A label on a 12-inch rack for storing compact disks which reads: "Do not use as a ladder."

4. A five-inch brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end which warns: "Harmful if swallowed."

5. A smoke detector which warns: "Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire."

The first place winner receives $500 and a copy of Philip K. Howard's "The Collapse of the Common Good."

Click here for more information on M-LAW and the contest.

Click here to view a PDF of the press release.

A COLLECTION OF WACKY WARNING LABELS FROM MLAW AND OTHERS:

On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.

Warning on fireplace log:
Caution -- Risk of Fire.

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.

On a hotel provided shower cap:
Fits one head.

On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer:
Do not eat toner.

Can of self-defense pepper spray warns:
May irritate eyes.

Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer:
Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.

On Silly Putty package warning:
Not for use as earplugs.

On a baby stroller:
Remove child before folding.

On a household iron:
Never iron clothes while they are being worn.

On a fireplace lighter:
Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.

On a handheld massager:
Don't use while sleeping or unconscious.

On a cardboard car sun shield:
Do not drive with sun shield in place

On a sharpening stone:
Knives are sharp.

On bottled water label :
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.

On a box of rat poison
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

On a toilet bowl cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.

On an electric cattle prods:
For use on animals only

On a can of air freshener:
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers

On a rubber ball toy:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.

On a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.

In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.

On the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

On an electric thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally.

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.

On a TV remote controller:
Not dishwasher safe

On a fireplace log:
"Caution - Risk of Fire"

On a CD-Player:
"Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

On a box of birthday candles:
"DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

On novelty rock garden:
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."

On the "Cycle-Aware" helmet-mounted mirror:
"Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."

On a packet of juggling balls:
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

On a camera:
"This camera only works when there is film inside."

On a bottle of flavored milk drink:
"After opening, keep upright."

On a can of windscreen de-icing spray:
"Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."

On a Halloween Batman costume:
"This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
   

[J’raxis 270145]

1. A label on a bottle of drain cleaner which reads: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

This would be more funny if functional illiteracy weren't in fact so common. Functional illiteracy means, basically, that a person can read in the strict sense but has difficulty understanding. Someone who's functionally illiterate will have little trouble understanding "DO NOT USE" but will glaze over when they get to "Take up to three pills daily once every six hours or, for children, take..."

You can thank our public school system for this.

[Raineyrocks]

1. A label on a bottle of drain cleaner which reads: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

This would be more funny if functional illiteracy weren't in fact so common. Functional illiteracy means, basically, that a person can read in the strict sense but has difficulty understanding. Someone who's functionally illiterate will have little trouble understanding "DO NOT USE" but will glaze over when they get to "Take up to three pills daily once every six hours or, for children, take..."

You can thank our public school system for this.

True it is sad but I don't think it's just public school's fault.  If one of my kids couldn't read I would know whether they went to public school or not so I think it is parental involvement in their kid's lives too.

[penguinsscareme]

On the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

*Oh wait.  Injury or death may also be caused by proper use.

On a packet of juggling balls:
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

It makes more sense after you account for the conversion from metric.

[porcupine kate]

If you are ever bored in a hardware store just go and read the side of a new ladder.  I can't even begin to think of the dumb things people have done to cause all those warnings.