I really need help again!

[Raineyrocks]

I know I'm a pain but I don't have anyone else that I feel would be objective to talk to about this.

Okay here goes: last year when we moved here my 3 under the age of 18 year-old kids wanted to go to public school so Rick and I said , sure,  we will let you and see how it works out.  So this year I am back to homeschooling my 10 yr. old son but the girls wanted to stay in school this year too, so now I've got a senior and a 6th grader in school.

My senior is doing fine and wants to graduate but my 6th grader is the real problem, she loves school, likes the competition, is doing good academically but has the crappiest attitude I've ever seen from my girls anyway  .  She has always been my little rebel but this is different.  I know changes are to be expected with kids but I really think she's picking up on a lot of her "new ways" at school.  I don't blame anyone I just have the gut feeling that's where it's coming from.  Rick and I talked to her last year about her attitude and I said I was going to pull her out of school if I didn't see improvement; well I didn't have Rick's blessings with that ultimatum because she knows how to con Daddy big time so that went nowhere.  Finally though a few weeks ago he got tired of her back talk, constantly not listening when she's told to do something, and other stuff so he told her she had 3 weeks to make an improvement or he was with me on pulling her out of school.

It's been over 4 weeks now, no improvement from her at all!  To me it either means she really wants to be homeschooled because dad gave her the ultimatum or she thinks we're full of crap and not going to go through with it.  Today I found out everything that I have to do to start homeschooling her in kind of the middle of the school year yet I feel scummy about "the choice" to take her away from something that she likes yet I can't stand how she's acting.  We've tried other, I hate to call them punishments but it's the only word I can think of, so they probably are punishments to see if she would change like no television, grounding her, taking away her radio, blah, blah, blah but nothing has worked.  I found out recently she told her little brother that mommy and daddy don't love him they only love her and other rotten, hurtful crap.  What's up with this kid?

Rick thinks something is bugging her, but what?  I've talked to her until I'm blue in the face and she swears everything is fine.  One night I sat there with her and tried to help her with a school project, she sat there with her arms crossed, glaring at me.  I told her I didn't have to help her at all and she should be happy that I care.  It's not that she doesn't get any attention, they all get attention.  I sit there and play games with them, talk to all of them, go out with them, etc.  What in the world do you think we should do?  Will homeschooling her help?  Do you think school is the problem? 

She was different before she started school, more of an individual, now she has to dress and talk like everybody else, where did my kid go I wonder?  She wanted her birthday party at a bowling alley this weekend and then her sleepover which we already said yes to the sleepover but I found out the bowling party was $16 a person, that's a lot of money!  So last night we told her we didn't think she was going to have the bowling party and she acted like such a brat I just told her to go to bed and yes we told her about the $$ issue of it.  I have this feeling that is probably where some of her new friends have their parties so she must also, I really do.

Anyways I hope that kind of sums it up and if anybody has some input I'd love to here it.  Do you think I should pull her out of school since nothing else so far has worked?

[toowm]

I do think that homeschooling would give you a better chance to help her grow up a bit. And I'm a huge advocate of homeschooling. But we have one child that has similar issues -- attitude, temper. lack of responsibility, and meanness to siblings -- and they are all homeschooled. 6th grade is the "new" adolescence, when kids really try to break from parents.

I support you in your decision, but I'm worried that both your daughter and husband are against it. Is there any way to get Rick on board first?

[Raineyrocks]

Yes!

Damn, it's that easy?  I wish I was a guy sometimes, these girly guilt hormones wreak havok with my mind!

[Raineyrocks]

I do think that homeschooling would give you a better chance to help her grow up a bit. And I'm a huge advocate of homeschooling. But we have one child that has similar issues -- attitude, temper. lack of responsibility, and meanness to siblings -- and they are all homeschooled. 6th grade is the "new" adolescence, when kids really try to break from parents.

I support you in your decision, but I'm worried that both your daughter and husband are against it. Is there any way to get Rick on board first?

Yeah, I know of one way, lord I wanted to avoid that tonight!

[Raineyrocks]

Yes!

Thanks!

[dawn]

As a long time homeschooler, I am very biased, but I still think you'd have a better chance with the 'tude if she wasn't being pressured in public school. Not that she still won't be a challenge. My daughters have way more attitude than I'd expect from homeschooled kids! But, I imagine it'd be MUCH worse if they went to school, on a whole host of levels.

I think that being tired, stressed, worried, etc. can make a kid (or an adult for that matter!) act out. They don't know why, they just need to release the pressure somehow/somewhere and mom is usually the target. At least my kids get to get the sleep they need and work at their own pace so that some of those stress inducers are minimized if not practically eliminated.

Being a parent, you do get to make some choices without the kids approval. If Rick isn't totally on board right now, why not? Get to the root of it (or just do what you have to do to convince him!) and see if there is a compromise. You could even set a timetable, like for the rest of the school year or until high school or whatever you're comfortable with committing to.

Good luck!

[error]

Yeah, I know of one way, lord I wanted to avoid that tonight!

Can't be that bad if you have 3 kids!

[Raineyrocks]

As a long time homeschooler, I am very biased, but I still think you'd have a better chance with the 'tude if she wasn't being pressured in public school. Not that she still won't be a challenge. My daughters have way more attitude than I'd expect from homeschooled kids! But, I imagine it'd be MUCH worse if they went to school, on a whole host of levels.

I think that being tired, stressed, worried, etc. can make a kid (or an adult for that matter!) act out. They don't know why, they just need to release the pressure somehow/somewhere and mom is usually the target. At least my kids get to get the sleep they need and work at their own pace so that some of those stress inducers are minimized if not practically eliminated.

Being a parent, you do get to make some choices without the kids approval. If Rick isn't totally on board right now, why not? Get to the root of it (or just do what you have to do to convince him!) and see if there is a compromise. You could even set a timetable, like for the rest of the school year or until high school or whatever you're comfortable with committing to.

Good luck!

Thanks Dawn, you make perfect sense and have made me feel way less guilty.    I'm pretty sure I know why Rick isn't on board because he sees the "happy" part of her more than I do but he also is away from home 13 hours a day so I see a lot more.  He sees the weekend part of her which of course is happier because like you wrote above, no pressure, more sleep, etc.  He finally did set the 3 week timetable, 5 weeks ago.   I really, really can't put up with it for another year and I feel it will only get worse.

I called Rick crying this morning because I had it out with her again this morning over wearing a winter coat and I told him he's 2 weeks past his time limit.  I asked him if he has seen any positive changes and he said no so he is with me now, at least that's what he said this morning.  I talked to him again this afternoon and he was swaying again but I told him that I was going to move out then and he could send her off to school, pick her up and see all of the "things" that I do.

[Raineyrocks]

Yeah, I know of one way, lord I wanted to avoid that tonight!

Can't be that bad if you have 3 kids!

Error, it is so cute to see you put your input in on this kind of thing!   I actually have 5 kids but I also used to drink, (not when I was pregnant though), but I'm sure that helped the "creation factor".

[error]

It seems clear from your description that putting your daughter in public school contributed to making this situation a whole lot worse.

Think of it like Iraq. It was wrong to go in, it's wrong to stay in. You're just doing more damage by staying in and "finishing the job."

[Raineyrocks]

It seems clear from your description that putting your daughter in public school contributed to making this situation a whole lot worse.

Think of it like Iraq. It was wrong to go in, it's wrong to stay in. You're just doing more damage by staying in and "finishing the job."

Hey, that was awesome Error!  I'm totally serious, what a great comparison.  I would have never thought of it that way but your 100% correct, thanks!

[KBCraig]

As a long time homeschooler, I am very biased, but I still think you'd have a better chance with the 'tude if she wasn't being pressured in public school. Not that she still won't be a challenge. My daughters have way more attitude than I'd expect from homeschooled kids! But, I imagine it'd be MUCH worse if they went to school, on a whole host of levels.

Public school advocates worry that homeschooled kids won't have adequate socialization, but this attitude is exactly the kind of "socialization" they get. TV and popular culture are bad enough, but when they're surrounded by their peers and immersed in it all, it's much worse.

[Raineyrocks]

Homeschooling is truly the last line of defense when it comes to nurturing our children the best way we can.  It gives you the opportunity to teach them your morals, your principles, your disciplines and mold them into what you want them to be.  To help them to reach their full potentials and to keep the family closer too.  It can be a lot of work, but it is so worth it.  You will never regret your decision.

When I first started homeschooling in Delmarva, it did bring our family closer together, it was strange because I always thought I really knew my kids but I actually learned so much more about them.  It was awesome!  We should have just continued when we moved here but I'm guilty in part of the "yes" to public schools too, I can't totally pass the buck onto Rick.

Maybe Rick is afraid they will become more like me if they are around me all of the time and I'm teaching them too!  Just kidding, I hope!

I know my little 10 year old was going on about communism and Chinese people coming to get us, I don't know where the heck he picked that one up, seriously I don't know, maybe he overheard an Alex Jones show.  Now I'm afraid to take him out in public because he's going to get us carted off to a camp somewhere.

I thought oh great the kids are going to fight more when I began homeschooling them but much to my surprise they fought less.  Neato, huh?

[Raineyrocks]

As a long time homeschooler, I am very biased, but I still think you'd have a better chance with the 'tude if she wasn't being pressured in public school. Not that she still won't be a challenge. My daughters have way more attitude than I'd expect from homeschooled kids! But, I imagine it'd be MUCH worse if they went to school, on a whole host of levels.

Public school advocates worry that homeschooled kids won't have adequate socialization, but this attitude is exactly the kind of "socialization" they get. TV and popular culture are bad enough, but when they're surrounded by their peers and immersed in it all, it's much worse.

Yup, I was just talking to this lady I know that started homeschooling her kids this year and she said the socialization they got in public school did more damage than good.  Her son is friends with my 10 year old and it's great that they are both homeschooled this year.  Her son was picked on by bullies at school, he's a real little guy and now he's so happy that he doesn't have to deal with that crap anymore.  She gave up her job so now only her husband works and it is hurting them financially but they're doing it.

Is anyone allowed to apply for the homeschooling grant available on this forum?  If so I'd like to tell her about it for next year, I know they're struggling, she has a handicapped daughter that she's homeschooling too.  I didn't apply for it because honestly I didn't need it and didn't want to take it away from anyone that did need the money.  I have tons of homeschooling material I got when we had some extra money in Delmarva.

[Raineyrocks]

Well I feel like crap now.

I just told my daughter that she was being homeschooled and she is crying, asking for just one more chance.  She wants to go the rest of the week but my concern is that I know for a fact she's going to cry and probably go to the guidance counselor.  My main concern about that is what if the people in the school take it as something bad is happening at home and that's why she's so upset about being homeschooled.  Am I being paranoid?  Should I let her go the next 2 days?

She admits that she didn't think we would follow through on this and that's why her attitude hasn't changed but now it will if we give her another chance.  I already sent the "letter of intent".  I have my own other reasons for wanting her homeschooled too , like how they are trying to push vaccines, global warming and false history, etc.   That's why I wish we would've just kept homeschooling them when we moved here but I thought since they felt so strongly about wanting to go that I would be wrong to deny them.  I hate being a parent on days like this when I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

She said her grades were way better in school than homeschool and she is right about that she did not do well at home because I don't think she ever looked at it as "real" school.  I told her she would be able to continue with band, sports and art class, so she would still be able to see her friends and do some of the things she enjoys.  She said she doesn't want to go because she would feel weird.

If this was the right decision why do I feel so bad for her?  Again it would have been so much easier if I had just kept homeschooling them from the beginning.