Some jokes for the day, probably more on the adult side

[Raineyrocks]

#1   Pharmacist Phun   

   
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

   
#2

Emoticons   
spacer
   
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where means a smile and is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass-cons"? Here goes:

(_!_)      a regular ass

(__!__)    a fat ass

(!)        a tight ass

(_._)      a flat ass

(_^_)      a bubble ass

(_*_)      a sore ass

(_!__)     a lop-sided ass

{_!_}      a swishy ass

(_o_)      an ass that's been around

(_O_)      an ass that's been around even more

(_x_)      kiss my ass

(_X_)      leave my ass alone

(_zzz_)    a tired ass

(_o^o_)    a wise ass

(_13_)     an unlucky ass

(_$_)      Money coming out of his ass

(_?_)      Dumb Ass
   
 

[dalebert]

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Have you seen the remake of The Blob?
   
I'd like to stop being this
(!)        a tight ass

and start being this
(_$_)      Money coming out of his ass

[Raineyrocks]

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Have you seen the remake of The Blob?
   
I'd like to stop being this
(!)        a tight ass

and start being this
(_$_)      Money coming out of his ass

No I've never seen the remake of The Blob, why?  Yeah I hear you on the money ass, that would be nice!

[dalebert]

/quote]

Because that joke essentially happens in the movie. It's cute.

It's a really gory and violent movie. I highly recommend it. Also, the govt goons end up really evil and despicable.

[Jim Johnson]

One of the new guys moves to New Hampshire.  The first thing he does is go out and buy so condoms.  The package says $5.69, so he takes it to the checkout counter and the girl there says that will be $5.69.  The guy looks at her and says, "You don't have tax on condoms here in New Hampshire?"  The girl leans forward and says, "My boyfriend uses strings to keep them on."

[Raineyrocks]

/quote]

Because that joke essentially happens in the movie. It's cute.

It's a really gory and violent movie. I highly recommend it. Also, the govt goons end up really evil and despicable.

I love gory and violent movies so I will check it out, thanks!   Wow, what a surprise govt. goons that are evil & despicable!

[Raineyrocks]

One of the new guys moves to New Hampshire.  The first thing he does is go out and buy so condoms.  The package says $5.69, so he takes it to the checkout counter and the girl there says that will be $5.69.  The guy looks at her and says, "You don't have tax on condoms here in New Hampshire?"  The girl leans forward and says, "My boyfriend uses strings to keep them on."

  That was a good one!

[dalebert]

"You don't have tax on condoms here in New Hampshire?"  The girl leans forward and says, "My boyfriend uses strings to keep them on."

Ouch.

[dalebert]

Why do guys get paid more at the sperm bank than the blood bank?

Because sperm is hand-made.

[Raineyrocks]

Why do guys get paid more at the sperm bank than the blood bank?

Because sperm is hand-made.