What would you do in this situation?

[Raineyrocks]

If you had one of your children living with you with his pregnant "used to be" fiancee and your son decided he didn't want to be with her anymore but she couldn't leave because she has nowhere to go, what would you do?

[dalebert]

Call her parents.

[Raineyrocks]

Call her parents.

There lies the problem.   Her dad has never been involved in her life and her mother has some mental issues that make it very dangerous for her and the baby to go live with.

[John Edward Mercier]

Depends on your attachment to bloodline... I'm making the presumption the unborn child it your grandchild.

[Lloyd Danforth]

Rainey. When the economy falls apart, do you think supporting these irresponsible adult children is going to get any easier. Kick out any 18 or older, then figure out how you're going to feed and shelter the younger ones.
The other thing is that being an enabler for the irresponsible adults sends the wrong message to the younger ones, who will see that they don't have to do the right thing, because, they can 'fall back' on mom and dad.
I realize I have no emotional attachment to your children and they are your 'world', but, sometimes 'tough love' is the best thing for all.

[Raineyrocks]

Depends on your attachment to bloodline... I'm making the presumption the unborn child it your grandchild.

Yup!

[BaRbArIaN]

If the alternatives are as bad as you say, if you kicked her out she'd eventually get sucked into the event horizon of the State and as the probable only responsible grandparent the kid would be there anyway.    If you make arrangements they both can be there.

[Raineyrocks]

Rainey. When the economy falls apart, do you think supporting these irresponsible adult children is going to get any easier. Kick out any 18 or older, then figure out how you're going to feed and shelter the younger ones.
The other thing is that being an enabler for the irresponsible adults sends the wrong message to the younger ones, who will see that they don't have to do the right thing, because, they can 'fall back' on mom and dad.
I realize I have no emotional attachment to your children and they are your 'world', but, sometimes 'tough love' is the best thing for all.

Thanks Lloyd, my husband almost says the same thing except for when it comes to the innocent baby in all of this mess, he's torn there too.   I really, really feel like doing exactly what you wrote but then my stupid heart gets in the way.

My son is paying weekly to stay here but compared to a "real" rent he's got it made.  Last night we had a fight and he "threatened" to move out and I said, "see ya!"  But I know he's probably not going anywhere and I think they both know they have Rick and I by the you know whats when it comes to the baby.

We've even discussed raising the baby but I really don't want to do that and I really think that would totally send the 2 youngest ones a message that if they ever mess up and have kids mom and dad will just relieve them of their responsibilities so I'm not going to raise the baby.  Besides that my youngest is 10, I feel done with the baby stuff.

  I'm so angry that my son and 18 year old daughter are expecting children and don't have a clue about responsibility even though I thought I tried to teach them.  My 18 year old isn't living at home though she is trying to make it on her own and I hope she continues to do so but if she needs to come home and I still have my son here I can't say no to her.

The more I think about it deep inside I feel like right now in me and Rick's life it should be getting "lighter and easier", sure we should have our 2 youngest at home but that's it.   My son can be very nasty to his ex-girlfriend but that is up to her if she wants to put up with him and I've told her that.

I feel so confused and I know the logical thing to do, it's just what's going to happen to the baby?

[Raineyrocks]

I was thinking of all the times I've asked for advice on here and usually it's been about my oldest son, I must sound like a broken record by now.   

I want to truly thank everyone that has ever given me advice even though I haven't taken all of the advice I do appreciate the time that Lloyd, KBCraig, Error, Dreepa, Tom Sawyer, Pat McCotter, David, Beth221, Dawn, John Edward Mercier,  BaRbArIaN,  Eques, Alan M, J Libertarian Goddess, Sweet Mercury, Powerchuter  have taken out of their lives to try to help me.   I really hope I'm not forgetting anyone, if I am, I'm sorry.  I went through most of my back posts to get some names because I know some people I mentioned aren't on the forum anymore.

This latest plea for advice is just the most difficult for me because there is an innocent baby involved in this mess and that's where I feel the most turmoil.  I don't want to seem like I'm asking for the same advice over and over again but I guess in away I am except for my concern for my grandchild that's not even born yet.  The due date is September 1st so I feel an urgency to deal with these problems now.  I can't kick my son's ex-girlfriend out especailly when she's due in 2 months and really needs to learn how to take care of the baby after he's born.  My son is a different story, if he's not going to behave civilly towards her, he can leave. 

I did want to tell you Lloyd, ( I forgot this earlier), when he said he was going to move out and I said, "see ya!"  I also told him this time there was going to be no option for him to return back home this time.  I also talked to my 12 1/2 year old, (the 1/2 is sooo important to her, it's funny), today after thinking about your post Lloyd and she agrees with a lot of things you said but also understands that I need to teach my son's ex girlfriend how to take care of a baby before I talk to her about getting her own place.

I explained to Brandie that I think I have made it too easy for her brother and I intend to get tougher and make him responsible for his choices and I apologized to her for allowing myself to get so wrapped in the older kids lives that her and little Ricky have been kind of pushed to the side.  That's why her and I are going on our Vermont trip together even though it's the babie's due date, she is my daughter and nothing is going to change our plans we've made.  If the baby is born while were gone, (I'm supposed to be in the delivery room), I'm not going to come home and change our plans.   

My son's ex will have to find a friend or someone else to go in the delivery room with her if Jon doesn't.  I've also already told her, (son's ex), that she may have to set up an alternative other than me to go in the delivery room with her.  I told Brandie that I'm still learning and even though I've made mistakes it doesn't mean I can't change those enabling mistakes I've made.  Your so right Lloyd, I can see how I've been part of the enabling and I've got to stop that or my son will never, ever grow up.  I let Brandie know if she does behave irresponably in the future she will have to deal with her consequences, dad and I won't be there to make it easy for her. I said more too, it was a really nice talk so I think she understands now that a change is in the wind.  Thanks Lloyd!

Anyways to sum this long post up I want everyone to know that your advice hasn't fallen upon deaf ears and I will never forget you for caring!

[Lloyd Danforth]

I'm 60 & 1/2

[Raineyrocks]

I'm 60 & 1/2

I don't understand.

[Pat McCotter]

I'm 60 & 1/2

I don't understand.

you were being very serious, rainey, but Lloyd just had to let you know it is soooo important to him about that 1/2 year.

You and Brandie enjoy your time without any feelings of guilt, y'hear?

[Raineyrocks]

I'm 60 & 1/2

I don't understand.

you were being very serious, rainey, but Lloyd just had to let you know it is soooo important to him about that 1/2 year.

You and Brandie enjoy your time without any feelings of guilt, y'hear?

Duh!  I get it now, thanks Pat!   Yes I hear you and will definitely listen to your advice, we're going to have a blast!  Thank you!

[KBCraig]

If the son thinks either him or the girlfriend has to leave, then I'd tell him to go.

[grasshopper]

  There are places for them to go. 
  I have the same thing going on, well almost with my room mate, he has a 23 y/o son who wants to support his 3rd generation welfare girlfriend as we are paying for her to go to vet  school.  He has a part time job, he also has a 400 dollar car payment, and 200 dollar inshurance payment on a part time job at a grocery store, did I mention he is a Pot smoker and not too motivated?  His Dad yells at him, he gets the money for whatever, Son takes off for a few months and..... start from the beginning again, again, again, and ....  again!
  I want to choke the little bastard, his Dad is a diabetic/hart patient with an explosive temper, not a good combination. 
  I told him last week, that he will be the death of his father, I told him to get off the Pot if he can't handle it, he said with a smug reaction "Ya, rite"!  He has the money to spend for 3 joints a day but he is mooching off his dad.
  Oh, did I mention he brakes into the house to sit around when his girlfriend is in school and he isn't working?
  Nowe he has to register his brand new SUV, about 400 dollars, I'm waiting for "that one" to pass over.