It's time for a few jokes!

[Raineyrocks]

1. Shipwrecked

A young wife, her boorish
husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

2.Abstinence
   
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

[Pat K]

 

[Raineyrocks]

1.Blondes in a Convertible

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.

Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,

"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

2. The Nuns and The Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

[Raineyrocks]

[Organjic]

[Raineyrocks]

[coffeeseven]

[Sam A. Robrin]

Speaking of religion and paint . . .

A none-too-honest house painter was given the assignment of whitewashing a church steeple.  Using one of his corner-cutting practices, he added thinner to the mix, figuring he could cash the check before the rain washed away the whole job.  While at work atop the church, however, a storm suddenly blew in.  As the new coat dripped quickly away, lightning flashed and thunder boomed, and a voice echoed out of the heavens: "REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!"

[Raineyrocks]

I'm going to give you karma to get rid of that 666 you have right now!   I bet somebody smites you to try to keep it there but I tried! 

[Raineyrocks]

Speaking of religion and paint . . .

A none-too-honest house painter was given the assignment of whitewashing a church steeple.  Using one of his corner-cutting practices, he added thinner to the mix, figuring he could cash the check before the rain washed away the whole job.  While at work atop the church, however, a storm suddenly blew in.  As the new coat dripped quickly away, lightning flashed and thunder boomed, and a voice echoed out of the heavens: "REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!"

At first I didn't get the joke but now I do, it's cute!      And funny! 

[coffeeseven]

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MER RY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

[Lloyd Danforth]

I was sent this:

[KBCraig]

I was sent this:

That one actually won the big prize on America's Funniest Videos one year.

[Raineyrocks]

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MER RY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Oh my gosh, how cute! 

[coffeeseven]

Two elderly people living in Ft. Myers, he was a widower and she a
Widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was
A community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another.. As the meal
Went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the
Courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of "careful consideration," she answered "Yes.
Yes, I will!"

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
Their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not
Even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and
Called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then
He reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
Would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
Meant it with all my heart." Then she continued,

"And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had
Asked me."