Meditations on Peace on Christmas Day

[Kat Kanning]

I'm not a Christian, but try to take wisdom where ever it can be found.



Meditations on Peace on Christmas Day

Recently I ran across a website, http://www.harmlessasdoves.com/ and read an article on loving one's enemies.  The article didn't make much of an impression at the time – it mostly listed off the places in the Bible where you are told to love your enemies, but apparently it got me thinking about the subject.  I can see the wrongness of the opposite idea – hating one's enemies.  The military, and now probably the police in this country, use hatred as a tool.  They are taught to dehumanize and hate the enemy, focusing entirely on real or imagined wrongs that have been committed by the 'other side'.  The people in Iraq are demeaned as "ragheads" and worse degradation is taught.  That way troops are able to kill and perform other horrible acts without feeling much remorse – or at least without publicly admitting to such remorse.  Americans don't, in everyday life, go around killing people and torturing prisoners.  Some profound changes in thinking have to occur before an otherwise normal person becomes willing to do these things.  When police in Galveston recently beat up a 12 year old girl, they first had to categorize and demean her by (incorrectly) identifying her as a prostitute.

So if hating one's enemies is bad, does that make loving one's enemies the right thing to do?  On a personal level, going around hating people, holding grudges, being unforgiving – are all bad for your health.   Tamar Weinberg said, "The Mayo Clinic writes that it is better to forgive and forget than to hold grudges. Beyond the personal anger and resentment that grudges cause, it's also bad for your health: it causes high levels of stress, high blood pressure, more anxiety, and poor anger-management skills. Instead, commit to forgive and find compassion, even if forgiveness does not yield reconciliation. Recognize the value moving forward adds to the quality of life. One who has finally forgiven someone will be more at peace, even if it is necessary to forgive again and again when memories trigger unhappiness. Ultimately, looking beyond the bad will bring much joy, and that is why it helps to achieve that much-needed closure."

How can one forgive, much less love a person who has murdered, a person who has harmed children, a person who tortures a helpless prisoner?  Lewis B. Smedes writes, "When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it...You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything...We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run....If we say that monsters [people who do terrible evil] are beyond forgiving, we give them a power they should never have...they are given the power to keep their evil alive in the hearts of those who suffered most. We give them power to condemn their victims to live forever with the hurting memory of their painful pasts. We give the monsters the last word."

When I think back to the people who have done me wrong, who have done violence to me, who have harmed my child, I can't claim to have loving thoughts toward these people right now.  But if I were to try and help these people learn a new way to live, a way to live that doesn't involve force or violence or preying upon children, I can see that the way to accomplish this would not involve anger.  I would have to find some compassion for these people in order to communicate with them.  I don't know of any way to find that compassion without "walking in their shoes" for a time.  I think most people have some reason for doing the things they do – in the cases of 'monsters' – a grossly mistaken reason.  With some understanding, compassion is easier.  And with understanding, the ability to demonstrate a better way to live becomes more of a possibility.

Forgiveness, compassion, understanding are one thing, but to love one's enemies?  Certainly it would be tough to have wars if everyone was going around loving their enemies.  How would I get there from here?  I can't see the whole route, but forgiveness would be a first step along the path to loving enemies.

[rmodel65]

I love everyone, at least I try as a Christian. I'm from the deep south, but I don't have a racist bone in my body. I was taught by my grandfather he would rather me marry a black woman that hate one. I'm anti war, but If we were attacked, I would fight in a militia type war at home(a little to big to enter own my own accord to the armed forces) As I try to turn the other cheek, I would fight for my life. I carry a firearm everywhere I go. In the old testament your told to guard your house etc. And in the new testament your ordered to carry a sword in Luke 22:35-38. Also in the garden Christ told Peter not to get rid of his sword only to put it away.

[TackleTheWorld]

Yep, face it, if you are going to save the world from the initiation of force, you can't do it with hostility.
Plus demonstrating happiness in your life is way more fun than plotting unpleasant things.
Refrain from hurting people, yes.  See though your opponents eyes, yes.  Offer concern, yes.  Forget about trespassers, yes.
Forgiveness, not so fast.
Forgiveness is what wrongdoers get when they act to repair their damage.
Love, not so fast.
Love is what admirable and virtuous people get.

If you love your enemy and ignore your hero, whom do you encourage and whom do you betray?

[KBCraig]

Some very good thoughts on this thread.

I believe one of the problems when it comes to "forgiveness" in modern America, is a total misunderstanding of the word. "Pretending it never happened" is not the same as forgiveness, but that's the standard demanded today. We (the royal "we") do not seek true repentance and forgiveness; we pursue fast, public, insincere apologies so that we can move onto the next issue and forget this one ever happened.

This isn't just public figures (Clinton and Swaggart come to mind); it also pervades the mindset taught in public schools.

I'm reminded of the various cartoons, jokes, and comedy skits in which someone is punched in the nose, only to be told, "That was in the past, you need to let it go! Don't hang onto past transgressions!"

[EthanLeeVita]

Yep, face it, if you are going to save the world from the initiation of force, you can't do it with hostility.

But...but...but...isn't violence more *fun*? And without us being violent wouldn't there be chaos since there'd be all this peaceful, voluntary interaction?

[Lloyd Danforth]

I'm not a Christian, but try to take wisdom where ever it can be found.

Me neither, but, they get a few things right.

[Pat K]

All this niceness and forgiveness is
really starting to piss me off.

[Mike Barskey]

All this niceness and forgiveness is
really starting to piss me off.

Well, if you do something rash in your anger, I forgive you.

[Daien]

Kat, I very much enjoyed your original sentiments, and Lauren, I very much appreciated and agreed with your clarifications.

[Pat K]

All this niceness and forgiveness is
really starting to piss me off.

Well, if you do something rash in your anger, I forgive you.

AAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Pat K]

[David]

Yep, face it, if you are going to save the world from the initiation of force, you can't do it with hostility.

Agreed.  History is full of people who try to defend themselves or those they care about with unbridled hostility, and all it does is create a cycle of violence.  It doesn't work very good.  O sure, it works a little.  But in the name of protection ourselves, good people support the iraq war, horrendous violence, the buildup of nukes that can destroy the USA and Russia prolly a few times over.  The costs of the partial easy solution is getting damn dangerous.  If you expect to save yourself from the initiation of force, by the same method that others have used, you will end with the same result.  Thomas Paine and Sam Adams would cry if they saw the result they risked their life for. 

[Kat Kanning]

Yep, face it, if you are going to save the world from the initiation of force, you can't do it with hostility.
Plus demonstrating happiness in your life is way more fun than plotting unpleasant things.
Refrain from hurting people, yes.  See though your opponents eyes, yes.  Offer concern, yes.  Forget about trespassers, yes.
Forgiveness, not so fast.
Forgiveness is what wrongdoers get when they act to repair their damage.
Love, not so fast.
Love is what admirable and virtuous people get.

If you love your enemy and ignore your hero, whom do you encourage and whom do you betray?

Thought about your post quite a bit Lauren.  I asked several Christians who said they thought loving your enemies meant doing them no harm, and perhaps seeking to show them a better way.  I can't see being able to do this without some sort of forgiveness, which doesn't include condoning evil actions.

[TackleTheWorld]

Let me see if I'm getting this right.  Doing no harm and demonstrating good behavior is forgiveness?

I could totally ignore an attacker, thereby doing no harm and demonstrating better behavior.  I don't see how that is forgiveness.

I think of forgiveness as trusting someone again - not extraordinary trust, only as much as I would trust a complete stranger - after they caused damage to me.

How would you describe forgiveness?

[Russell Kanning]

I looked it up in the wikipedia and here was the first sentence.

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

That makes sense to me. I couldn't trust certain people, who are obviously going to keep harming me or others. But I could stop being  angry at them or try to get even. So maybe you 2 were using different definitions. I would call yours "forgiving and forgetting". I couldn't do that with every person, especially those that have no regrets for their wrong acts.