Porcupine slander !

[JonM]

From today's woot

Armadillos Are The Safest Of All God's Creatures
Once upon a time, in a magical land known as Texas, there was a little armadillo named Kevin, who was kind and good and worked in an office.

One morning Kevin was in his kitchen, getting ready for work. Kevin enjoyed his job, and was always looking for ways to make his co-workers feel a little better. Sometimes he brought jelly beans and left them in a big pile near the narwhal in the lobby. Sometimes he made armadillo-style banana bread and set it on the empty desk by the bathrooms. Sometimes he bought pizza for all the trained poodles who preferred to spend their day balancing on lovely oversized balls. Today, though, he felt like doing something different. And so he grabbed a two pack of First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors.

"I do not think I approve of that package, Kevin," said the narwhal in the lobby. "Meow meow doesn't smell like bananas meow!" whispered the ghost near the bathrooms. "YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP!" barked the poodles from their lovely oversized balls as the ghost scurried away. But Kevin just smiled and shook his head and went to the Health and Safety office to meet with the adorable little lemur that ran the company.

"Mr. Lemur, sir," began Kevin, "Did you know that these offices are a deathtrap? Why, what if the luna moth in Marketing got too close to those open candles the vampire bat in Purchasing insists on keeping at his desk? This whole place could catch fire! That's why I bought this two pack of First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors."

"Go on," said Mr. Lemur, sipping delicately at the dew collected on a nearby leaf almost twice his size.

"You see, sir," said Kevin, "the First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors are made to communicate danger via a three channel radio frequency that all the detectors share. This means, for example, the narwhal at the front can hear a spoken alert when the salamander who works in filing accidentally lights old papers on fire, and know immediately where the danger is and in which direction to flee."

"That could save lives!" agreed the lemur, as he took a tiny slice of apple into his adorable little paws. "You've done it again, Kevin! Have that two pack of First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors installed immediately! In fact, since up to eighteen First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors can work together in one home, you should order more! Why, we'll be the safest animal run office in the world!"

With a big smile, Kevin went to find the handyman giraffe and begin installing all the First Alert SA511CN2-3ST One Link Voice Smoke Detectors. And, once he was done, the whole office knew that they would be safe from sneaky fires, so they collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Except for the pyromaniac porcupine, who announced that he was looking for a new job.

[Jim Johnson]

Pyromania isn't just a job... it's an adventure. 

[Pat K]

Armadillos can carry Leprosy.