Talking to future in laws about not getting a marriage license.

[Keyser Soce]

Another point to make is that the license grants "permission" to get married, and is not, in and of itself, the marriage.  The marriage is the agreement between the spouses.  Similarly, driving is the act of operating a vehicle on a road.  A driver's license is a grant of permission to do so, but the license, in and of itself, obviously has nothing to do with the operation of the vehicle.

Joe

Excellent point.

[jnacoustic]

Thanks everyone.

My father and step mother have been together for 20+ years. He is on her insurance. It covered his heart attack and bypass surgery years ago. They were never married at all.  I dont think that is much of an issue. We are both self employed.

Onto another question!

We are looking for someone to marry us. We are not looking for a religious ceremony, but would not be against having a minister or the like. Any ideas? The ceremony will be in MA to be close to relatives.

[Russell Kanning]

if the parents are glad to see you get married .... have them tie the knot for you

if they want a traditional looking and feeling wedding have it in a fancy building and have a guy in a cool outfit play the part of the minister .... there are lots of people that are good at this

the cardinal of the shire blesses marriages he is excited about ... but you have the parents to do that ... you can make your contract and promises before each other's family and friends and do up a big fancy contract or put it all in a big family Bible

my pastor in wyoming did marriages with or without state licenses

when i got married the first time ... i kept asking myself why i was asking permission to get married ... we did it because everyone else did ... it didn't make the contract stick

it is fun for me to see people stop living their lives according to tradition, but because it makes sense ... some traditions also help ... so maybe you can follow all of the marriage traditions from before the governments in america invented licenses

[Raineyrocks]

I'm kinda sad to say that I'm sure I'll be getting one of those pieces of paper only because my girlfriend wants in writing that I'll be her husbund for whatever myriad of reasons.  She understands why I don't want one, she just wants the "positives" of having one.  I don't see any myself.

My wife and I have a marriage certificate.  It doesn't involve the State, but it's still a written certificate/contract.  It's a beautiful piece of calligraphy (much better than those lousy State forms).

Maybe show her how much nicer a non-state piece of paper can be.  She might get excited about the idea of designing her own.

Joe

Very cool! 

[Raineyrocks]

You will need to explain to her family that you are not using the lack of a marriage license to get out of committing to the marriage.   You need to convey that you are joining as life long partners.  Also explain why you want to contract between the two of you and exactly how you are going to do that. 

The way Alec and I handled it with his family was to explain that we were going to have other contracts written between us to cover most of the legal aspects of the marriage contract.
Including
A Will
Durable power of attorney
Medical directive
Me legally changing my name to match his.
Going through and changing all the beneficiaries on insurance, retirement accounts etc.

All of these things can be done before the wedding if that makes it easier for her parents to accept.
Do make sure you get these done. 

In most states if something happens two one of you and you don't have this paperwork in place medical decisions are made by and the estate goes to the parents not the significant other.  If you have children together the child will be the beneficiary and the courts can chose the trustee of the estate.  In NH common law marriage does apply in the case of inheritance after you have been living together in NH for 3 years.

These are the types of things gay couples do to legally join their families on their terms.

Keep in mind you may not be able to both adopt a child or use a surrogate to carry a child without a state issue marriage license.

If you go to the Social security Admin to change your marriage status they accept the laws and regulations of the state you get married in and file the paperwork in.  This means it can vary depending on the state.  In NH the only definition of marriage is with a marriage license from the state.  The SS card is important if you want to take advantage of the tax reduction bribe to get you to comply.

Good luck.

Great advice, gosh Rick and I don't have any of those forms.      My stepmother keeps telling me to get them and I'm such a procrastinator.

Yup, the only time I had to show my marraige certificate was in Maryland when I applied for a new social security card and I think birth certificate showing my name change.

I didn't see the big deal about marraige but Rick did so I caved.  I did love the party afterwards even though we could have had a party anyway but my family wouldn't have come to it without a "real wedding".  I hate to put it that way, (real wedding), but that's how a lot of people think. 

[K. Darien Freeheart]

We are looking for someone to marry us. We are not looking for a religious ceremony, but would not be against having a minister or the like. Any ideas? The ceremony will be in MA to be close to relatives.

Tom Ploszaj (on these forums) is a certified reverend with the Universal Life Church. I've spoken to him specifically about performing marriages and he's said if he feels the people are serious, and it's not a matter of convenience, he'll perform marriages. I think you guys would likely meet his criteria.

[cathleeninnh]

The DMV here in NH made me show both marriage licenses as evidence of name changes.

[Raineyrocks]

The DMV here in NH made me show both marriage licenses as evidence of name changes.

Wow!  I honestly forget what I had to show to get my NH license.   I lost my marraige license but I don't remember when, something rings a bell in my head about just needing my birth certificate and proof of residency for NH. 

I'll have to ask Rick, he has a better memory than I do. 

[cathleeninnh]

It was 2004 and I was shocked that valid SC DL and a passport was not enough. I had to pay for one of those quasi birth certificates from TX and both marriage licenses.

Cathleen

[K. Darien Freeheart]

This is technical, but since I was being technical on previous posts, I'm adding this for the sake of clarity.

The marriage license is only needed by the person performing the marriage ceremony. They need to know the State approves. After the marriage, they give you a marriage certificate.

I've been asked for the marriage certificate before. As Cathleen says, they require it to prove legal change-of-name. I took Lindsay's last name when I got married and this was especially difficult to convince the bureaucrats in conservative Kentucky that I could, in fact, do that.

I have to produce the certificate anytime I deal with bureaucrats because the name on my birth certificate is different, so they mandate a paper trail to show the change. Keep that in mind if you choose to change names.

[jnacoustic]

You know I dont understand the license for the name change requirement. Because one can legally change their name for any reason. So wtf?

[porcupine kate]

The will and other related paper work is important if something bad happens to one of you.  If you and your in laws don't get along they can have you thrown out of a hospital if your spouse is admitted.  Also if one of you dies without a will your estate goes through probate.  You should not leave it up to the state to decide what happens to your children and your property.

We had Alec's sister marry us.  It was wonderful having her do it. 

If you find someone who can legally do the marriage check and make sure that the are willing to do it without the license.  In some states they can get in trouble and lose the ability to preform marriages with licenses.

At one wedding I attended the brides father introduced the couple and then the couple married themselves. 

If you make a marriage certificate have it done with archival paper and ink.  Also leave plenty of time to have it delivered.  Ours arrived the morning of our wedding after Alec left.  We have managed to get about half the signatures of the guests that weekend.  I will need to bring it to Liberty forum and Porc fest to get the rest.

Esty.com is where we found the lady who did ours.  It came out beautiful.
http://www.etsy.com/
If you go with a quaker style you don't need a line for each guest.  about 2/3 of the total number of attended should do it. 

Are you here in NH?  Also where in Mass are you planning the wedding.  We just got married in September.  I know of good people here to hire for the wedding.  Porcupines local and FSP no less.
Photographers, printers, wedding planner, bridal head pieces( I do those), caterer, and so on. 

With drivers licenses and other government stuff the need to show your proof of name change has increased due to the patriot acts.

[kellie]

I've been asked for the marriage certificate before. As Cathleen says, they require it to prove legal change-of-name. I took Lindsay's last name when I got married and this was especially difficult to convince the bureaucrats in conservative Kentucky that I could, in fact, do that.

I changed my name very easily without a marriage certificate.  I filed a Change of Name petition with a court in Utah and showed the resulting document to the DMV in Utah and the SSA in NH. 

You really can't know what to expect when you're dealing with government bureaucrats.  If one of them gives you a hard time about the marriage certificate, just come back another time when someone else is working and you might have better luck.

[MaineShark]

My primary reason to get a license from the government is then my company would allow her to be on my insurance.  Of course I/we don't know yet if that is worth it or not.  Esp since taxes would likely go way up for both of us.

My wife and I have been asked if we're married.  We've answered honestly that we are.  We've never been asked, "did you file form XYZ123 with the State?"

We are looking for someone to marry us. We are not looking for a religious ceremony, but would not be against having a minister or the like. Any ideas? The ceremony will be in MA to be close to relatives.

We used an Episcopal minister.  We wrote out own ceremony, though.  He was willing to run with it, being a libertarian, even though it was primarily pagan in nature.  Send me a PM and I can forward you his info.

The DMV here in NH made me show both marriage licenses as evidence of name changes.

You can get a legal name change without a marriage license, and use that documentation.  You only had to present the marriage license because that's the method you used for the name change.

If you find someone who can legally do the marriage check and make sure that the are willing to do it without the license.  In some states they can get in trouble and lose the ability to preform marriages with licenses.

As far as I know, in NH, only "false solemnization" would be an issue.  So, as long as the officiant doesn't say "by the power vested in me by the State of NH," there should not be a problem, even if s/he is otherwise legally able to perform State marriages.

If you make a marriage certificate have it done with archival paper and ink.

Yup.  Also, we had ours framed using UV-blocking glass, to help reduce fading.

Joe

[K. Darien Freeheart]

You know I dont understand the license for the name change requirement. Because one can legally change their name for any reason. So wtf?

Maybe New Hampshire law is different but my experience is that you're incorrect. It can be changed via court order, adoption, marriage, divorce and a few other ways but you can't just change it when you want. Certainly you can use any name you want. Certainly, any signature you put on a contract is legally binding. But to legally change your name requires State permission.

I changed my name very easily without a marriage certificate.  I filed a Change of Name petition with a court in Utah and showed the resulting document to the DMV in Utah and the SSA in NH.

That works too. You can have it done by court order. In Kentucky, the name change process required a judicial hearing, "good reason" and they can deny you for any or no reason. It also costs $200.

With a marriage certificate, it's free and they can't deny the name change. Guess which way I went.