Yankee humor

[Russell Kanning]

As a Chicago native, I'm finding the non-reaction to the White Sox pennant funny. It's clear there are more Cubs fans than Sox fans, but also true that Chicago is a football town.

There will be sox fans if they win it all. Angel fans suddenly appeared in SoCal a few years ago.

[Kat Kanning]

I like socks, they keep my feet warm.

[polyanarch]

I just use my underwear to keep my feet warm...

[Kat Kanning]

Heat from the breakdown of waste products?

[polyanarch]

Nah,

When doing lapdances I need to keep on one article of clothing and that's where I wear 'em -around my ankles.

Anyone got $20?  Before it gets too cold...

[Kat Kanning]

Just say no to shrinkage.   

[polyanarch]

That depends on the audience...

[Kat Kanning]

 You may live on the gulf coast IF

You know you live on the gulf coast if and when...

You have FEMA?s number on your speed dialer.

You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os. (Or even better, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Ravioli)

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway. (And it?s higher than the 100-year flood plain!)

Your SSN isn?t a secret, it?s written in Sharpie on your arms.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.

The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking ?It?ll only take gallon of gas to get there and back?

You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer

Three months ago you couldn?t hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 13-pound redfish. In your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner?s insurance policy.

You consider a ?vacation? to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Your ?drive-thru? meal consists of MRE?s and bottled water.

Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.

You?ve been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.

A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

You don?t worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.

Your child?s first words, ?hunker down? and you didn?t go to UGA!

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it?s Christmas.

Toilet Paper is elevated to coin of the realm at the shelters.

You know the difference between the ?good side? of a storm and the ?bad side.?

Your kids start school in August and finish in July.

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.

[polyanarch]

Your favorite firearm has the words "in stainless steel" in the title.

[Lloyd Danforth]

And what's wrong with being on a first name basis with the cute chick at the register in Home Depot?