Passive/Agressive - and proud of it?

[John]

What does it mean to be passive/aggressive? Who gets to define the term?
Where did the term originate? Was that "passive/aggressive" behaviour good or evil? 
Are there any BIG examples of people in history who were "passive/aggressive"?
Was Jesus "passive/aggressive"?
Was Gandhi "passive/aggressive"?
Was MLK "passive aggressive"?

Am I "aggressive" enough or too "aggressive" in my passivity? Or perhaps, is it better to simply "shut up and sit down"?

Is it time to embrace the term?

[dalebert]

Here you go.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=passive+aggressive

And some might call that passive-aggressive because on the surface I am acting as if I'm trying to be helpful, but just under the surface is an insult.    

[Jim Johnson]

From Dale's references:  Passive/Aggressive is mostly a high-flown way to call someone, who says he will but doesn't do what you ask, a pain in the ass.

Or in Dale's case, does it in a backhanded manner.

[Russell Kanning]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive%E2%80%93aggressive_behavior

after all the psychobabble comes this little tidbit:
History

Passive aggressive behavior was first defined clinically by Colonel William Menninger during World War II in the context of men's reaction to military compliance.[9]


I guess we could revive the term as it applies to our passive resistance and noncompliance. Maybe it would also fit in with the Harvard Law conference that discussed how all libertarians are emotionally unstable and need drugging.

maybe we can change the wikipedia article to include the proper use of the term in its latest meaning.

[Pat K]

This might be passive aggressive FAIL.

LOST IN SPACE IDAK REMIX

[John]

From wikipedia: "...deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible"

Like maybe:
Voting?
Paying taxes?
Standing for judges?
Saluting certain flags?
Filling out certain forms?
Joining the war machine?
Keeping your demonstration to within certain "Free speech zones"?
Having ones children "properly educated & socialized" by the public school system?
Drinking from the right water fountain?
Going to the back of the bus?
Getting on certain trains?
Going to certain camps?

[John]

Maybe a better term would be passive/assertive?

[Jacobus]

There's a lot in the wiki article about p/a behavior being about not following through "properly" on others' expectations (e.g. "malicious compliance").  In this respect it doesn't necessarily seem bad to me, as with the examples John gives.

I've always thought of p/a behavior differently though, as more like veiled or indirect insults.  Often the insults are toward a third party that leaves you thinking "was that an insult directed at me?" and their intent may often be to influence your behavior.  For example, a mother is concerned about her daughter's weight but instead of telling her daughter directly she remarks, "Have you seen how big so-and-so has gotten lately?  I cannot believe how she has let herself go."

Or consider an extended family party, where one set of parents allow their young children to start eating before everyone is seated.  Another set of parents disapprove of this.  However, rather than make a request of the other parents, they instead remark to their own children "we don't eat until everyone is seated."

Maybe there is a better term for this type of behavior.

[Russell Kanning]

I love the passive assertive description.

[Kat Kanning]

How about Passive-Pain-in-the-Ass?

I think Lauren wins the award with her non-talking to captors. 

[Russell Kanning]

but I am sure that
Brigadier General William C. Menninger, Office of the Surgeon General, Army Service Forces, Washington, D.C.
would diagnose our behavior as passive aggressive.

[John]

... insults ...that leaves you thinking "was that an insult directed at me?"

This is the classic tricky stuff talked about in "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defence," a book I recommend.

[Kat Kanning]

... insults ...that leaves you thinking "was that an insult directed at me?"

That Jacobus and family are a great bunch.  (<--that was directed at you )

[FreelanceFreedomFighter]

From wikipedia: "...deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible"

Like maybe:
Voting?
Paying taxes?
Standing for judges?
Saluting certain flags?
Filling out certain forms?
Joining the war machine?
Keeping your demonstration to within certain "Free speech zones"?
Having ones children "properly educated & socialized" by the public school system?
Drinking from the right water fountain?
Going to the back of the bus?
Getting on certain trains?
Going to certain camps?

[dalebert]

I always took it to mean being viscous in subtle, indirect ways.  I never heard of the thing about not doing what's expected of you until now.  In fact, it seems backwards.  Maintaining ambiguous expectations that are really hard to satisfy seems more like passive-aggressive behavior meant to manipulate.  "It's not stealing.  Everyone needs to pay their fair share." i.e. you're lazy and selfish if you don't pay your taxes!  It's purposefully poor communication like when someone has an issue with you but won't say it directly which makes it really hard to resolve it.  You have to go on a fishing expedition to work stuph out with a passive-aggressive.  I always applied it to someone who has a desire to attack but is too cowardly to just come out and speak their mind openly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

Or giving someone the silent treatment, otherwise making them feel guilty or indebted to you in really ambiguous ways that can never be satisfied, e.g. "I carried you for nine months and was in labor for 32 hours!", insisting on paying for everything, etc.  Things like that.  All ways of manipulating people to get what you want from them in subtle ways.

Let Me Google That For You seems kind of passive-aggressive.  Don't you think?   Eh, probably not so much.  It's not really that subtle.