HUMOR

[Pat K]

http://www.snopes.com/critters/cruelty/dynamite.asp

http://www.theexplodingwhale.com/

LOL, man you could not make stuff like this up.

[Russell Kanning]

one of the pastors at my old church in victorville, cal would play that exploding whale thing about once a year ... he just couldn't get over it.

[Lloyd Danforth]

Seen in a Cemetery

[Friday]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.  Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted  very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

[Lloyd Danforth]

I see Bozone catching on

[Lloyd Danforth]

 

Understanding Engineers - Take One 
Two engineering students were riding bikes across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." 

Understanding Engineers - Take Two 
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 

Understanding Engineers - Take Three 
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. 
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" 
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. 
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"!!!!! 

Understanding Engineers - Take Four 
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets. 

Understanding Engineers - Take Five 
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 
Understanding Engineers - Take Six 
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven 
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." 
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." 
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[lildog]

[Friday]

This had me roaring (and it's so well done, I got confused at first and thought maybe it wasn't a joke): http://www.theonion.com/content/video/controversy_in_captivity

[cathleeninnh]

Subject: Ethics Question
>>
>>
>>This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving
>>an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test
>>features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will
>>have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet
>>spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each
>>line.
>>
>>Answer honestly!!!
>>
>>You are in Florida, Miami to be specific.
>>
>>There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
>>
>>This is a flood of biblical proportions.
>>
>>You are photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught
>>in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
>>
>>You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people
>>swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
>>
>>Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
>>
>>Suddenly you see a woman in the water.
>>
>>She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
>>
>>You move closer.
>>
>>Somehow the woman looks familiar.
>>
>>You suddenly realize who it is.
>>
>>It's Hillary Clinton!
>>
>>At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her
>>under forever.
>>
>>You have two options-you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can
>>shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of
>>one o f the world's most powerful women.
>>_________________________________________
>>
>>So here's the question, and please give an honest answer.......
>>Would you select high contrast color film, or
>>would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

[error]

Color film... though more likely a digital camera.

[Lloyd Danforth]

LOL cathleen!

[Lloyd Danforth]

Color film... though more likely a digital camera.

Unless there is Blood evident, I'm not sure I would go with color

[dalebert]

http://www.snopes.com/critters/cruelty/dynamite.asp

The guys decided to do that male bonding ritual of duck hunting.

You str8 guys sure come up with some complicated ways to bond. I know an easier way.

[dalebert]

Speak out against prohibition propoganda!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrshcS3SXs&NR=1

[dalebert]

Then they tapered and detained Danny Riley

Duct tapered?  Tasered?

Reminds me of a joke that I didn't want to taint the candlelight vigil thread with.

Why are turds tapered on one end?...









So your butt won't SLAM shut!