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Author Topic: HUMOR  (Read 70381 times)

polyanarch

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #45 on: December 28, 2005, 10:52 AM NHFT »


Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

<snip>

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support


I had the problems above, and after my Wife 2.0 upgrade proved to be little
more than costly bloatware, i started to look into the underlying reasons.
Being a geek, I figured there must be an underlying reason that most of my
versions of Wife or Girlfriend (no matter what the version number) seemed to
have so many interoperability problems.  It didn't take long to trace the
root cause back the millions of lines of outdated and archaic code in the
base operating system, Monogamy?T .95b.

Fortunately, I've discovered an alternative in the 'open source' community.
A few years ago I reformatted my hard drive and installed a trial version of
PolyOS.  Unlike the Monogamy?T versions I'd used in the past, I soon
discovered PolyOS came in a variety of flavours depending on needs.  The
initial trial version I installed was somewhat buggy, admittedly, but that
was at least as often due to my own inexperience as it was the fault of
PolyOS.  One of the primary issues I had with early versions were in
interoperability between my various Partner routines, but I soon came to
realize that process was made much easier by downloading and enabling
Honesty 2.3, a suite of ethics and morality that is VERY hard to find for
any Monogamy?T versions.

Now, I'm almost completely stable on PolyOS.  My Partner routines easily
interact with each other and the rest of the vital functions, and even with
my tweaks (another advantage to PolyOS is that the code is all open source
and modifiable, unlike the closed and proprietary Monogamy?T systems), it
looks like both primary Partner routines will soon be sharing the same
memory space happily.  Even better, I've found that my PolyOS system EASILY
networks with other PolyOS systems, no matter versions they may be running.
Its even possible to network with some Monogamy?T versions (usually the
latest ones), though the process is difficult and time consuming, and often
causes internal conflicts within the Monogamy?T subsystems.  Total system
crashes can result in the remote Monogamy?T systems, so proceed with caution
... PolyOS systems are rarely affected by the attempt at networking, but
occasionally nasty crashes by Monogamy?T can sometimes transfer glitches to
PolyOS as well.

In the end, I'd have to recommend PolyOS.  I've experienced VERY few
problems since the total system upgrade, but I will admit to having to
change some basic substructure of my system before getting PolyOS tuned just
right, and its worth checking out the system requirements before you start
as installing it on a system that doesn't meet minimum specs can cause
serious damage.  But if you've got the hardware for it, I say take the
plunge.  Once you install PolyOS, you'll never want to run Monogamy?T again.

One word of caution ... PolyOS is FAR less compatible than Monogamy?T in the
general world ... Many systems are unwilling to even try PolyOS, regardless
of their specs.
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EagleClaw

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #46 on: December 28, 2005, 11:05 AM NHFT »

What happens to a woman's asshole just immediately before having amazing sex?

She drops him off at the golf course!
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Kat Kanning

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #47 on: December 29, 2005, 09:03 AM NHFT »

Dawn sent this one   :o

Two priests are off to the showers late one night.  They undress and
step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
Bothering to dress.  He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back
to the showers.  He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns
heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against  the wall and freezes like
he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life like he looks.  The first nun suddenly
reaches out and pulls on his manhood.  Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh
look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."   To test her theory the
second nun also pulls on his manhood.  Sure enough, he drops the second
bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go.  She pulls once, Then twice and
three times but nothing happens.  So she gives several more tugs, then
yells.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, hand lotion too!"
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cathleeninnh

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #48 on: January 01, 2006, 12:32 PM NHFT »


Living in '06
You  know you're living in 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the  microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in  years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5.  Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't  have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still  answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home,  you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the  same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10.  You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14.  Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.  :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9  on this list.

AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends ..you know you want to!


Happy New Year

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AlanM

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #49 on: January 01, 2006, 12:39 PM NHFT »

I didn't scroll back. Is there a deep inner meaning to this?  ;D
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Lex

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #50 on: January 01, 2006, 12:46 PM NHFT »

I didn't scroll back. Is there a deep inner meaning to this?  ;D

I think the point it's trying to make is that we have learned how to absorb more information quickly by ignoring the details.
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Russell Kanning

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #51 on: January 01, 2006, 01:37 PM NHFT »

or that some of us don't worry that joke lists have proper numbering schemes. ;D

Pretty funny ..... I just don't live in the cellphone world. :)
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David

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #52 on: January 02, 2006, 11:45 PM NHFT »

cathleeninnh, 19,20, and the last one were exactly what I did :o  :-[
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polyanarch

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #53 on: January 03, 2006, 09:19 AM NHFT »

or that some of us don't worry that joke lists have proper numbering schemes. ;D

Pretty funny ..... I just don't live in the cellphone world. :)

I don't live in a land-line world.  Technology advances.

I also don't live in a Teevee world.  I killed the idiot box a long time ago.
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Kat Kanning

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #54 on: January 03, 2006, 09:20 AM NHFT »

Didja shoot it?   ;D
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KBCraig

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #55 on: January 03, 2006, 11:14 AM NHFT »

See? TV prompts violence!
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polyanarch

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #56 on: January 04, 2006, 01:10 PM NHFT »

Didja shoot it?   ;D

No, I sold it to some socialist pagan friends for $15

I still have one in the motorhome though but I've not ever watched it.  Bought it to watch movies on the road but have yet to work on the road.   Now I have a laptop to watch movies on.

Mostly I just watch Buffy, Firefly and Serenity on the laptop.

I do admit that my GF tapes Alias and I will watch that as long as it is not live on the air...
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Kat Kanning

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #57 on: January 04, 2006, 01:19 PM NHFT »

On Netflix, you can get TV series if you want.

I tried watching my laptop once, but it was really boring and made the think I oughta diet.
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Lloyd Danforth

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #58 on: January 04, 2006, 04:45 PM NHFT »

You're lucky you can see your laptop!
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polyanarch

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Re: HUMOR
« Reply #59 on: January 05, 2006, 11:10 AM NHFT »

On Netflix, you can get TV series if you want.

I tried watching my laptop once, but it was really boring and made the think I oughta diet.

Your laptop didn't seem all that boring to me.

Different tastes...
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