HUMOR

[Pat K]

[Lloyd Danforth]

Bear with me if you remember the last 3 or 4 times I posted this joke.


                               __________________________________


Santa had just come down the chimney and was spreading gifts under the tree:

"ahem"

He turns and before him is a really beautiful young woman lying on a couch, wearing a see thru negligee.

"Do you think you can stay a while Santa?"

Santa cleared his throat and said, "Ho Ho Ho!  Got To Go!  Lots of toys for girls and boys!"

She stands with the light behind her. "Are you sure you can't stay, Santa?"

"Ho Ho Ho!  Got To Go! Lots of toys for girls and boys!" Santa squeaked.

She reaches up to shoulders and the negligee falls to the floor.  "Just for a little while, Santa"

Dropping his bag to the floor,  "Hey Hey Hey!  May as well stay!  Can't get back up the chimney this way!

[Russell Kanning]

isn't santa an upgrade to the pope?

[Jim Johnson]

isn't santa an upgrade to the pope?

Si, but the Pope don't thin so.

[Friday]

South Park pilot - The Spirit of Christmas

NOT SUITABLE FOR... Christians, Jews, fat people, kids, parents, a...ah fuck it, it's just not suitable

[Pat K]

But it is funny!

[Pat K]

This guy thinks big. If not very picturesque.

[Jim Johnson]

This guy thinks big. If not very picturesque.

I wonder why the cops didn't go and blow that up?

Any other can with a wire on it gets "special" treatment.   

[error]

It's the lights.

And isn't that in Japan somewhere?

[Jim Johnson]

It's the lights.

And isn't that in Japan somewhere?

So if you decorate your can during a holiday it's all good.

[41mag]

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age  )

Becky's dad was sailor, so she should know.

Remind me to tell the joke about the barrel on the submarine sometime.

Resist the urge.

[Raineyrocks]

South Park pilot - The Spirit of Christmas

NOT SUITABLE FOR... Christians, Jews, fat people, kids, parents, a...ah fuck it, it's just not suitable

Where is it?  I wanted to see it, I love unsuitable videos! 

[Raineyrocks]

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but
an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than
me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92
years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember
fairies are female.....

[dalebert]

Guys like that haven't watched enough movies to figure out how to word their wishes more carefully!

[dalebert]

A guy goes up to a bar's owner with a big box. He opens the box and inside is a tiny man, about a foot tall, playing a tiny grand piano. He's playing it beautifully.

The guy asks the bartender if he needs any entertainment for his bar and says the little guy takes requests and is very good.

"Where'd you get that?!" asks the bartender, shocked at such a sight.

"Oh, a genie granted me a wish for setting him free."

"Really? Of all the things you could have wished for, this seems like an odd one." said the bartender.

"That genie's either hard of hearing or a smart-ass! Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"