HUMOR

[Lloyd Danforth]

Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.


After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio'. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back....


=

[Russell Kanning]

funny stuph

[Lloyd Danforth]

My older sister Beverly sent it to me. You remember her. The kinda conservative one without gray hair. 

[Raineyrocks]

Bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.


After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio'. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back....


=

I love this one !       So it meant he had a 10 inch penis, right?   Gosh, I had a boyfriend like that one time, minus the cars and money, too big for me.

[Friday]

A congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise!"

[Friday]

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.   

[MaineShark]

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Why?  Honesty is much better.  Far less drama.

Joe

[Pat McCotter]

What a Real Woman Does

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do.

She will inspire him to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible...

No wait...sorry...I'm thinking of beer.

That's what beer does.

Never mind....

[Russell Kanning]

hehe

[Lloyd Danforth]

INTERESTING OBSERVATION





1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.





2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.





3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.




4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.





5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....




6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.


THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:


The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.


There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

[Jim Johnson]

The reason you don't see people in Washington playing marbles is that one has to have lost them to be there.

[Sam A. Robrin]

What a Real Woman Does

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do.

She will inspire him to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible...

No wait...sorry...I'm thinking of beer.

That's what beer does.

Never mind....

So are you the instigator of the new Foamin'est movement?

[Friday]

Obamacare:
If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport
..
..
..
..you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and...
..
..
..
..if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy!

[Tom Sawyer]

Vancouver is for lovers

[Raineyrocks]

Obamacare:
If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport
..
..
..
..you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and...
..
..
..
..if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy!

This one is great !