HUMOR

[Pat K]

Wait till this year Mace's Thanksgiving Day parade.

[Tom Sawyer]

http://www.motifake.com/ask-and-shall-given-you-ask-mace-occupy-demotivational-posters-154572.html

(You can use the image tag to post the image directly) 

[Silent_Bob]

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the womens restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,' Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor thatin turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[Kat Kanning]

That was very bad 

[Sam A. Robrin]

That is very bad--but if most of those ideas were adapted by activists to fit suitable targets, the results would be very good!

[Silent_Bob]

A Joke about the IRS

The IRS sends their auditor to audit a synagogue.

The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.  So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way. "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases?  What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.  "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS."

"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ...And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

[Tom Sawyer]

 

[KBCraig]

Putin on the Ritz.

[Silent_Bob]

Friday Humor: The TSA's 12 Banned Items Of Christmas

Only in the The Land Of The Free... (and always remember - it's for your own good).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=luNfghUnvFg

[dalebert]

[dalebert]

[Becky Thatcher]

I think this is hilarious.  What difference does it make?  Absolutely none.

Right up there with the "Weiner-Holder 2016" campaign! 

[Tom Sawyer]

JEB BUSH TO AWARD HILLARY 'LIBERTY MEDAL' ON EVE OF BENGHAZI ANNIVERSARY

OMG we're doomed. 

[Becky Thatcher]

[eglove]

9-year-old's reaction to getting to see Donald Trump.