HUMOR

[41mag]

I think you meant to type a c instead of an r 

Nope. I typed it right. 

How can you not like these guys? And you don't have to worry about them waking you up in the morning.

And don't forget about one of the more famous pet rats:  Scabbers!   

[dalebert]

And don't forget about one of the more famous pet rats:  Scabbers!   

Oh dear. I hope my new pet rat isn't actually an evil wizard who hate muggles!

[alphaniner]

Where the heck are all the lolcats, anyways?

[Pat McCotter]

For the database gurus here:

[Insurgent]

i iz in ur chair
eatin ur crumz

[dalebert]

For the database gurus here:

Xkcd is fucking brilliant!

[Lloyd Danforth]

Santa slides down the chimney and is taking presents out of his bag and placing them under the tree.

"Ahem" he hears and turns to see a very attractive young lady, in a negligee, lying on a couch.

"'Spose you could stay a while, Santa?"

Clearing his throat, "Ho Ho Ho, got to go......lots of toy for girls and boys"

She stands with the light behind her, "Are you sure you can't stay for just a little while, Santa?"

Breaking voice, "Ho ho ho....got to go....lots of toys for girls and boys..."

She reaches behind her back and the negligee falls to the floor,  "Are ya sure,Santa?"

Dropping is bag,  "Hey hey hey!  May as well stay, can't get up the chimney, this way!" 

[Kat Kanning]

Lloyd must have made that one up.

[dalebert]

Dropping is bag,  "Hey hey hey!  May as well stay, can't get up the chimney, this way!" 

Speaking from personal experience Lloyd? 

[Lloyd Danforth]

Just the thought of sliding in and out of chimneys excites me

[error]

Lloyd must have made that one up.

That joke's older than I am. I suspect Lloyd personally witnessed it.

[Lloyd Danforth]

Yes, in the old days I followed Santa picking up his slack

[lildog]

Yes, in the old days I followed Santa picking up his slack

I totally misread that the first time and thought you were picking up his SACK which in the case of this thread could have one of two meanings.   

Here are some other good ones...

Why does Ron Paul support the Constitution?
He remembers when it was signed.

The Congress Majority Leader, Minority Leader, and Ron Paul walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You guys look sad. What's the problem?"
The Majority Leader says, "I'm under inditement for laundering money."
The Minority Leader says, "I'm under inditement for taking corporate bribes."
Ron Paul says, "I'm poor."

Why is Ron Paul in such good health at his age?
He has a strong Constitution.

Why didn't Ron Paul ever go to work while he was a Congressman?
He actually read the first sentence in the Bill of Rights, "Congress shall pass no law." That being the case, he went home.

What did former Vice President Dick Cheney say to President Elect Ron Paul when he bumped into him at the Inauguration Ball?
Pardon me.

After serving his last day of his second term as President of the United States, Ron Paul dies and is met at the pearly gates by St. Peter.
St. Peter asks him, "What have you done in order to get into heaven?"
Ron Paul says, "Well I've restored the greatest republic on earth."
"Brought millions out of the grip of poverty."
"Established peace among nations."
"And prevented all out global nuclear war."
And St. Peter says, "No, I mean lately."

[Kat Kanning]

LOL, those are good ones 

[Becky Thatcher]

A friend sent me this joke ages ago, and I came across it again today...


Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car.  They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine.  "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on.  That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer.  I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.  Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"