HUMOR

[Kat Kanning]

I try not to participate in anything having an acronym

Is that from being an anachronism? 

[Lloyd Danforth]

Anar cro nism

[Pat McCotter]

Anar cro nism

Good, Lloyd! Just sound it out and you'll get it!

[Friday]

A Young Mad Scientist's First Alphabet Blocks

At Xylocopa, we know that the key to a successful education is to begin learning at a young age. Like many of you, we are concerned about the state of science education in the public school system, especially in the lower grades. Specifically, we have noticed that there is absolutely no training in the K-6 grades that prepares students to become mad scientists. In this competitive 21st-century world, the need for mad scientists will only increase, but the lack of basic education in primary school leaves us concerned that there will be no future students capable of leading in this illustrious field.

Fortunately, we have a solution - a first step, if you will, along the path to mad science proficiency. We are pleased to announce the release of our Young Mad Scientist's First Alphabet Blocks. These lovely blocks contain many carefully engraved illustrations of the equipment, training, and activities that a budding mad scientist will require, combined with a clever alphabetic introduction to the concept depicted.

Each block measures 1.5 inches square and depicts six mad science concepts and the appropriate letters. The set includes all 26 letters of the alphabet on five blocks (six illustrations per block).

Each side started out as one of our original pen-and-ink drawings that we have carefully laser engraved onto a solid block of American maple wood.
We don't use any dyes or harmful finishes on the blocks and all of their edges are rounded and smooth.

A complete list of the images represented by the letters is as follows:
A - Appendages
B - Bioengineering
C - Caffeine 
D - Dirigible
E - Experiment
F - Freeze ray
G - Goggles 
H - Henchmen 
I - Invention
J - Jargon
K - Potassium
L - Laser
M - Maniacal
N - Nanotechnology
O - Organs
P - Peasants (with Pitchforks) 
Q - Quantum physics
R - Robot
S - Self-experimentation
T - Tentacles
U - Underground Lair
V - Virus
W - Wrench
X - X-Ray
Y - You, the Mad Scientist of Tomorrow
Z - Zombies
Price: $40.00

http://www.xylocopa.com/product/mad-science-alphabet-blocks

[dalebert]

The "I'm not gay" poster made me think of Keith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6tvxqAKKLc

[Raineyrocks]

You gotta love the Irish!!!


1.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.   Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


2.

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding inConnecticut .   The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
< BR >The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


3.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch!   What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

4.

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.  He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

[dalebert]

but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Reminds me of one. How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?

There are splotches of white-out all over the screen.

[Raineyrocks]

but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Reminds me of one. How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?

There are splotches of white-out all over the screen.

Gosh, I'm having a hard time reading your post, there's this white stuff all over my screen! 

[dalebert]

An old one but a classic. There need to be more commercials like this. Then we wouldn't mind them so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny1JFpckkNo

[Lloyd Danforth]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=148dowDhkVY

[Friday]

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP..
BUMP...
BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...
FASTER...

BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
   
     
     
     The coffin stops

[TackleTheWorld]

Hearty LOL

[Lloyd Danforth]

I think it calls for another trial!

[Jim Johnson]

I think it calls for another trial!

I knew there should have been a probationary period.
What is she accused of now? ...a nuisance charge?

[Sam A. Robrin]

I knew there should have been a probationary period.
What is she accused of now? ...a nuisance charge?

Carrying bier on a public street . . .