HUMOR

[Friday]

I think it calls for another trial!

I knew there should have been a probationary period.
What is she accused of now? ...a nuisance charge?

Punning without a permit

[dalebert]

Just a couple minutes long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DKgrLXks5k

[Tom Sawyer]

JibJab - Frankenstein for President!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9irG_uXsII

[Kat Kanning]

LOL 

[dalebert]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9irG_uXsII

I don't believe it. All politicians are blood suckers.

[dalebert]

The Matrix Runs on Windows

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX8yrOAjfKM

Ubuntu FTW!

[Lloyd Danforth]

Fraser: "Thats a great idea! Her own show! They're looking for a replacement for 'Cabbing with Ron And Debbie'!"

Fraser's brother:  "What happened to them?"

Fraser:  "Nobody knows"

[neggy]

stolen from another board....

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

B ) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
_______________

[Lloyd Danforth]

Just seen on AOL:
The third headline is not connected with the first two, although a guy's  ability to get pregnant should be a definite 'Red Flag'!

'Pregnant Man'
Expecting Again

Thomas Beatie, 34, Delivered Baby
Earlier This Year: When's He Due?

11 Biggest Red Flags in Dating
Hear These 4 Words, Start Running

[Lloyd Danforth]

    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

    The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

    'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

    The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

    Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

    'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,says the man.

    'Same,' says the ostrich.

    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

    'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

    'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

    'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

    The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

    The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

[Pat K]

Tampax have announced they are swapping the string on all Tampax for tinsel, but just for the Christmas period!

[Lloyd Danforth]

A new supermarket opened near my house. 
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

The sound of a breeze in the trees and water in a babbling brook welcomes you to the fish display.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & chocolate chip cookies.


I don't buy toilet paper there any more

[dalebert]

I don't buy toilet paper there any more

I LOL'ed!

[Becky Thatcher]

That's hilarious, Lloyd.  Almost pulled a PatK and spit coffee on the computer.   

[Kat Kanning]

No Mac-spitting please.