HUMOR

[KBCraig]

Eats, shoots, and leaves.

[Pat McCotter]

 If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their
famous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have
turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou .

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .

ABBOTT : What about Windows?

COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at
the windows?

ABBOTT : Wallpaper.

COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.

ABBOTT : Software for Windows?

COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use
to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What
do you have?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT : I just did.

COSTELLO : You just did what?

ABBOTT : Recommend something.

COSTELLO : You recommended something ?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : For my office?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK,
let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want
to type a proposal.  What do I need?

ABBOTT : Word..

COSTELLO : What word?

ABBOTT : Word in Office.

COSTELLO : The only word in office is office..

ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if
you don't start with some straight answers. What about
financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my
money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT : Yes... No extra charge.

COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How  much?

ABBOTT : One copy.

COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

[dalebert]

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

Haha! Just yesterday my mom needed me to remind her how to turn her new comp off. She said "I click on START to turn it OFF?!!"

[dalebert]

This one is not only funny, but it has a little fable about violence at the end.

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Sam A. Robrin]

There's a window display in a shop on Keene's Main Street with a much pleasanter version of the same fable.

[Lloyd Danforth]

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet
for dinner.Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and
nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they
discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in
peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a
great idea because they have never been there before.

[MTPorcupine3]

Forwarded to me:

This man, 73, 
is wearing a protective flap   
over his ear while   
Joe Biden,  Barack Obama and
Nancy Pelosi address the Veterans of  Foreign Wars,   
I wish I could shake this man's hand.     
I just want to know where   
  he got it.....?

[Raineyrocks]

Eats, shoots, and leaves.

Is there a video missing or is this a guessing question?

I say a kahlua bear because Rick doesn't leave!   

[Lloyd Danforth]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Lloyd Danforth]

This is a public service message.


     To paraphrase W.C. Fields, "I don't drink water, because fish screw in it."   
       
           To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't...

    As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

    In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop...

    However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

    Remember:
    Water = Poop,
    Wine  = Health
    Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
    than to drink water and be full of you know what...
    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service!

[Pat K]

 

[dalebert]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[Jim Johnson]

The 2012 Zombie Apocalypse might be fun... depends on which end of the shotgun I get.

[Lloyd Danforth]

Dogs Just Know!

http://randysbusylife.blogspot.com/2007/11/dogs-just-know.html

[Friday]

This may not suitable for work.  Or sanity.  And the dancing banana emoticon has never been more appropriate.



Rejected by Don Hertzfeldt

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.