Freedom to Travel Event, Part 1

[Russell Kanning]

Can you imagine what it will be like the first time I get through? We can have a photo op with signs that say "Freedom to Travel" in front of Independance Hall

[Russell Kanning]

There could be really sarcastic LTEs about this......patterned like Mike's one above.

[Michael Fisher]

The Press Release is up on the Wiki page along with links about the federalization of airport security:
http://www.soulawakenings.com/underground/tikiwiki/tiki-index.php?page=National+ID

After I get back from my appointment today, I'll write the letter to the authorities. ?When that's approved, I'll have you send that letter out through the mail and I'll send the press release to my press contacts around the state. ?

[AlanM]

It struck me how totally absurd the whole idea of having to show "your papers" in order to travel really is. I can see it now, I'm driving along the highway, and at every town border there are security agents asking for my "papers". (The natural extension of this absurdity.)

[Kat Kanning]

OMG, this is so funny!!

Grandma Beats Up Airport Security Guards

by Bob Wallace

Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged with assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because an altercation she had last week with six airport security guards, that left all six hospitalized.

"Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother of three and grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I?m going to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I?m an American, and I won?t be treated like this."

The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an airplane at the R.J. Squirrel Airport in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals," she said, "but they?re dumber than rocks. Here they were letting guys who looked just like terrorists walk through without searching them, and then they pull me aside and tell me they?re going to search me? I don?t think so."

According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one guard, "who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn?t board the plane unless they searched her. He was really rude. That?s when the trouble started."

Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn?t get up," said Gordon with a giggle.

One guard who attempted to pull Gordon?s wheelchair off of the screaming man from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also left dazed on the floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an old lady, will you?" as she bashed both guards.

The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon?s wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked."

"It was amazing," said another witness, Scott Ryan, also of Cuyahoga Falls, a professor of music at Ohio Express University and author of Yusef Islam: Cat Stevens Declawed. "The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she was whupping butt."

A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter than had escaped detection. "He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear," said Ryan.

A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug. "I think that was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined to be identified. "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he went."

After all this, Gordon?s chair was still sitting on top of the first guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I?m done with you you?ll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"

As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I?m sorry, I?m sorry! Uncle! I won?t do it again!"

Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance. "We didn?t have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the court. "Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."

Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with anything. "I doubt there?s a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of anything," said one of the lawyers.

"I?m flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters. "And I suggest no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong."

All six guards, employees of the Bullwinkle Security Company, were taken to Badanov Hospital, treated for minor injuries, and released. "All of them are okay," said their doctor, who identified herself only as Natasha. "Just very minor injuries."

The owner of the security firm, a Mr. Big, said he considered his employees to be "fearless leaders.

[AlanM]

Hooray for Granny!!!!!!!! 

[AlanM]

Russell should change his name to Granny! 

[AlanM]

I should get this fellow to write stuff for Shorty Dawkins. 

[Russell Kanning]

I also read the story about the pregnant wife......is this their favorite phrase?

"the head honcho told that I was under arrest and that I wouldn?t be flying that day"

I read that about John Gilmore also....it is somehow delightful for security personnel to ground the fliers that cross them in any way.

After reading that story about the pregnant wife.......I am reminded why we are doing this.....this madness has to end and it needs to end soon.

[AlanM]

Hey Kat, where did you find this story? Maybe I'll try to get in touch with the writer.

[Kat Kanning]

Hey Kat, where did you find this story? Maybe I'll try to get in touch with the writer.

Mike put the stories up on the wiki page.  It came from here:

http://www.lewrockwell.com/wallace/wallace42.html

Or were you talking about the pregnant wife one?

[AlanM]

The granny one. 

[KBCraig]

....and the story is fake...but what can you expect from lewrockwell.org

Gee, did you really have to go to snopes to check a story set in the R.J. Squirrel airport, in Frostbite Falls, MN?

Kevin

[AlanM]

Well of course it's fake. I mean come on! R. J. Squirrell Airport?

Granny might not have been the initiator if they tried to search her person without permission.

[FTL_Ian]

Hey... before you guys start contacting the press, do any of you want moderator access to http://news.nhfree.com ?  If you will be contacting the press, it would be a simple matter to ask them each if they would like to be added to our press release / news list...

If you want moderator access, go join the list and get back to me.  I'll make the change, then you can go ahead and add email addresses, send releases, etc.