Some funny craigslist ads

[Raineyrocks]

Here is the website I found these at if anyone wants to check it out and post some they like!   
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/


To the woman I accidentally punched - m4w

It was last Saturday and I was at the bar. My shitty boss made me work late Friday and then early Saturday morning. Then I was laid off at the end of the day. Needless to say I was pretty upset and in need of a good long night at the bar.

I got there straight from work at 6.30 and sat at the bar. You were a few stools down and there was a few people between us. About 11.30 there was only a few of us left and you moved down to the stool next to me and we casually chatted for the next hour before you started making advances at me. First off, I was very drunk at this point. That's important for you to understand.

Now, one of two things went horribly wrong here. Either I was so drunk that anything I said was impossible to understand or you were too drunk to put two and two together. You see, when I kept saying things like "thank you but I'm not like that" and "I'm not gay" it's because I thought you were a man. So naturally when you(who I thought was a man) tried to kiss me I believed it was time to fight and I punched you. I admit I SHOULD NOT have tried any wwe moves after that but I'm not a very good fighter and I was in attack mode.

Enter the large biker type guys playing pool in the back. If I would have known they were your brothers, I would've made out with you even if I thought you were a dude. Long story short, I hope that my 3 broken ribs and my missing tooth(it's right in the front by the way) are enough to make us even. I would still like to be friends and hopefully we can look back on this and laugh one day. I don't want to date but we can drink beer and lift weights or fish or something. Hope to hear from you
Location: Tampa area
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3863194747

[Raineyrocks]

2 Dozen Free Goats

I have 2 dozen goats I need to get rid of. I had no idea raising goats would be this hard. These little bastards keep eating all my wife's flowers and climbing on our goddamn cars. Nobody told me they were such good climbers. The first person to get these damn goats out of here can have them.

xxx-xxx-xxxx
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3860772679

HELL CAT NEEDS HOME

My friend asked me if I wanted a cat a few months ago, I told her no and then came home to find that she had trapped it in between my windows with a bag of cat food and a litter box. She is very much crazy, she scratches my furniture to hell, bites me when I try to pet her, but follows me to bed every night. She likes to go outside but then when she wants back in, she climbs on my screen door and hangs there ans meows till I let her in. She is ruining all my shit, I really dont want to take her to the shelter, but I dont want her, didnt ask for her and figure maybe some kind of cat whisperer is out there and just maybe there is a small chance someone would take her before she very likely meets her death at the pound. If you think this cat is the one for you, please please please let me know! I hate her, but there is someone out there for every animal, right? But we arent a match and my friend is a real asshole.
Location: marion

[Raineyrocks]

Here's one that reminded me of Pat K! 

Winter

Free for the hauling,
Winter.
Beautiful cool, snowy, Christmas-esque Winter complete with majestic snowy pines and frozen lakes.
I've had my share and I don't want to deprive anyone else,
Several hundred acres to give, just haul it away.

Will consider trades for green grass, lemonade and flip flops
Location: Northcentral Wisconsin

[Raineyrocks]

Okay, okay, just one more for now! 

Dresser For Sale- Possessed By Ex Girlfriend

I am selling the dresser that my ex left behind when we split.
Like in our relationship, she felt it wasn't an obligation of hers to move anything along in our union or move anything out when she left.

This dresser has 9 drawers for hiding even everything from the largest load of bullshit to the smallest of emotion
It's made mostly of solid wood (mirror and drawer faces) and is very sturdy and very heavy - again like my ex but with less pulp.
I believe it is made of oak and not self loathing and hatred
It has a huge trifold mirror that was perfect for each of her faces.

Very few bumps and bruises this dresser is a real keeper and just needs a little TLC - not years of therapy or Daddy's approval.

No reason to create the illusion of a bad childhood because this dresser is willing to provide a purpose for a family - storing clothes with no emotional baggage or snack cakes.

Doesn't bitch, never wonders where you have been and it can be friends with other pieces of furniture without being jealous or complaining. It does not believe the foot stool is a whore!

Drawers slide open freely and easily like my ex but without the aid of alcohol, cash, or credit cards

I am looking to sell it for the same amount of weight she gained in our relationship about $150. That price is not negotiable unlike my ex in any bar on a Saturday Night.

Valued at a lot more and like my ex at that price I am giving it away

Pickup only as I am just one man and like my ex - one guy just won't cut it so bring your friends!

Well worth it if you are a wingman, the adventurous type or a glutton for punishment

DISCLAIMER: Exorcism unnecessary as its evil spirits left having already draining me of anything identifying me as a man and human being
Location: Earth, TX