Feds pay researcher to have bee sting his penis

[Silent_Bob]

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/may/10/feds-pay-researcher-have-bee-sting-his-penis/

Taxpayers also fund studies of drunk birds songs, femininity of Democrats in Congress

Taxpayers paid for one scientist to have a bee sting his penis, and paid other researchers to figure out that cheerleaders look more attractive in a group than individually, according to a painful new survey of wasteful spending being released Tuesday by Sen. Jeff Flake.

At a time of tight budgets and demands for new spending, including money to fight Zika, to repair water pipes in Flint, Michigan, and to combat the growing opioid epidemic, Mr. Flake said the existence of ridiculous research projects funded by taxpayers shows there's plenty of room to cut to pay for those needs.

Perhaps the most outrageous item Mr. Flake identified was a study that concluded Democratic women in Congress were less feminine than Republican women. That bit of research, which even went so far as to identify the lawmakers thought to score low on the femininity test, was part of a $50,000 National Science Foundation grant to the University of California-Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, some $1 million in NSF money was spent on the grant that involved studying where it hurts most to be stung by a bee. The penis turned out to be only third-worst out of 25 options, falling behind nose and upper lip.

Of course, the researcher helpfully noted, it was just a single-subject study so it's not clear how generalizable his results were.

"It's time that Washington set clear goals for federally-funded research, improved transparency to ensure tax dollars are being prioritized to meet to those goals and reduced wasteful and duplicative spending on lesser priorities," Mr. Flake said as he released his report, "Twenty Questions: Profiles in Federally Funded Science."

He announced legislation to require the White House to develop a system to weed out duplicative research and to require agencies that fund research to post a summary, funding details and information about papers written for every unclassified study paid for by taxpayers' money.

Researchers in one project Mr. Flake highlighted fed alcohol-laced grape juice to finches to see if the birds slurred their songs when inebriated. They did, slightly, and the birds' songs were "a bit less organized," the researchers at the Oregon Health & Science University reported.

That money came from the National Institutes of Health — an agency that's currently begging for more money to combat the Zika virus.

Weird and wasteful studies have long been a target for ridicule in Washington, but the ones Mr. Flake found may set records for questionable value to taxpayers, whose wallets are already pulled in many directions.

The Defense Department, which congressional Republicans insisted needs an injection of tens of billions of dollars this year, spent money to study why coffee spills when someone walks.

"In our busy lives, almost all of us have to walk with a cup of coffee. While often we spill the drink, this familiar phenomenon has never been explored systematically," the researchers said in explaining their project to the magazine Science. The researchers concluded, as any parent already tells a child, that walking slower and steadier reduces the chances of spilling.

Some of the projects singled out by Mr. Flake, Arizona Republican, have already been highlighted in the Ig Nobel prizes, given by scientists to the more curious projects under the rubric of research.

Michael L. Smith's bee sting study was a winner in 2015, drawing cringes from Ig Nobel judges who were astounded that he subjected himself to hundreds of stings across 25 different body parts, trying to gauge which hurt the most.

He said scientists had previously tried to rank animals' and insects' stings compared to one another, but nobody had calculated where on the body it was worse to get stung. While admitting that "pain is notoriously difficult to quantify," Mr. Smith tried anyway — forcing honey bees to sting him from the top of his skull to the tip of his middle toe, both of which tied for least painful places.

Mr. Smith admitted his study's usefulness is limited because of "its low sample size: one person, the author."

"Although these findings cannot be generalized, they are still interesting," he insisted in his writeup of his research.

Members of Congress, who approve the funding, are likely to look askance at the study of femininity and masculinity in politicians. Researchers at UCLA found little difference between Democrat and Republican men, but said their students were easily able to pick out female Democrats by how unfeminine they appeared.

The researchers dubbed it the "Michele Bachmann effect," after the former Minnesota Republican congresswoman. They concluded that Republican men don't need to appear more masculine because their policy positions already show that, but said for women — and conservative women in particular — femininity was clearly discernible.

Perhaps most stunning, they named names, saying Democratic Reps. Rosa DeLauro and Anna G. Eshoo and former Rep. Stephanie Herseth-Sandlin were rated "less gender-typical," while Mrs. Bachmann and Reps. Kay Granger and Cathy McMorris Rodgers were rated "highly feminine."

The researchers said more studying is needed to "understand the roots of the GOP's more feminine face," but said it could be as simple as liberal Democrats aiming to diminish disparities between the sexes, while conservative Republicans hold positions "that tend to bolster traditional sex roles."

[Tom Sawyer]

Now Bob, some of this research might be of importance. Maybe if they combine studies. i.e.. Is a group of cheerleaders more attractive while a bee stings your penis?

[Jim Johnson]

Mr. Flake....?

He couldn't choose a color like white or black..... or Mr. Pink?

[Russell Kanning]

hey we can't have roads without a little research like this

[Free libertarian]

 Clearly he wasn't listening when his dad had "that talk" with him about the birds and the bees.

[Jim Johnson]

Clearly he wasn't listening when his dad had "that talk" with him about the birds and the bees.

Birds have peckers on their face.

[Free libertarian]

Clearly he wasn't listening when his dad had "that talk" with him about the birds and the bees.

Birds have peckers on their face.

Hey c'mon, don't get cocky with your double entendres! 

[Tom Sawyer]

Some would say I hang out with ya'll for the free beer... But, really,  I'm here for the jokes.

[Jim Johnson]

You're obviously not drinking the beer.
I helped Pat with the Guinness last night and I have to help him with the Summer Kale tonight.

[KBCraig]

You're obviously not drinking the beer.
I helped Pat with the Guinness last night and I have to help him with the Summer Kale tonight.

Your burden makes me weep.