Pisses me off

[Dreepa]

This article in today's CM pisses me off:
http://concordmonitor.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060318/REPOSITORY/603180317/1031

I hope she pays all the money back that she stole, borrowed received from Medicaid.

I wrote an LTE.. but they might not print it because it was pretty vicious.

[KBCraig]

I love this part:

When Stevenson talked about issues, it seemed as if she were reading from a West Wing script. She could not stop spouting statistics even after her documentary filmmaking class began Thursday afternoon.

"Ninety percent of the people on welfare are single mothers," she whispered. "Dads only share 25 percent of their income, yet mothers give 100 percent of their resources."

This from a woman who is a single mother because she called off her wedding two weeks before it was scheduled. And with 300 guests expected, this wasn't a quickie at the courthouse!

I really hope she gets to meet Mary face to face and tell her how haaaaarrrrrrd it is to be a single mother. That would be Mary, quite contrary, who didn't whine, didn't schmooze with politicos, but who busted her ass and provided for herself, her mother, her younger brother, her two children, and their dysfunctional sperm donor.

Oh, and who hasn't been to Tufts, either.

Kevin

[Russell Kanning]

My ex-wife once told me how hard it was to be a single mother ..... and she kicked me out and divorced me.

[tracysaboe]

That's so typical.

Tracy

[DC]

My ex-wife once told me how hard it was to be a single mother

More so than a single man with a child? I don't understand that. Are they saying they need a man to take care of them?

To manage the costs of diapers, food and clothing, Stevenson organized a group of local single mothers she met

online and formed a network for baby supplies; clothes and toys would be sent from mother to mother as children outgrew them.

Stevenson never realized she was being politically active

That is because she wasn't. She came up with a non political nongovernment solution to a problem.

"If people want to spend their political capital on state signs, or arguing over what the flower or the bird should be, they need to rethink their priorities,"

She thinks they need to rethink their priorities and yet she has all that time for political activism instead of working with her son or working to earn money for her child.

[Dreepa]

Why should she work?  We are paying for her.

Damn I am still pissed.

[Pat McCotter]

Sent to Concord Monitor today:

Anne Stevenson (Mar 18 - Concord high grad becomes advocate for single moms) says she needed to get single moms involved in politics.

"'Are you sick of being on Medicaid and being on waiting lists, and being a second-class citizens?'" she remembered asking them. "'Politicians are not going to change anything unless you tell them to, unless you make your voice heard. And this is how you do it. You show them that you're going to vote, and you're going to make them accountable.'"

My questions are:
What will politicians change if you do tell them?
What are going to make them hear with your voice?
What are you going to vote for?
What are you going to make them accountable for?

[intergraph19]

"Ninety percent of the people on welfare are single mothers," she whispered. "Dads only share 25 percent of their income, yet mothers give 100 percent of their resources."

Yet another example of people belittling the role of fathers in the lives of thier children.  Children need BOTH parents, a mother and a father.  That is the ideal situation.  I am so sick of this society elevating the single parent like a saint.  Yes, sometimes it happens, and you can do a good job, but it is not to be STRIVED for as if it is a preferable way to raiseing children.  eesh.  Pet peev of mine. 

I also wonder how many of these women who "do all the work" really tried to get the father involved or if they just assumed the guy should do it and didn't say anything to him about it, until they got so fed up with that they became negative and nagging.  hmm...

[Tunga]

I also wonder how many of these women who "do all the work" really tried to get the father involved or if they just assumed the guy should do it and didn't say anything to him about it, until they got so fed up with that they became negative and nagging.  hmm...

Ms. Intergraph19, are you really a female of the species?

Plus, also, too, what type of bike do you ride?

Jus onedren.

[intergraph19]

I also wonder how many of these women who "do all the work" really tried to get the father involved or if they just assumed the guy should do it and didn't say anything to him about it, until they got so fed up with that they became negative and nagging.  hmm...

Ms. Intergraph19, are you really a female of the species?

Plus, also, too, what type of bike do you ride?

Jus onedren.

LOL  yes I am a female and I ride a 5 speed mountain bike, usually through fields of poison ivy 3 feet high.  ^_^

[Tunga]

I also wonder how many of these women who "do all the work" really tried to get the father involved or if they just assumed the guy should do it and didn't say anything to him about it, until they got so fed up with that they became negative and nagging.  hmm...

Ms. Intergraph19, are you really a female of the species?

Plus, also, too, what type of bike do you ride?

Jus onedren.

LOL  yes I am a female and I ride a 5 speed mountain bike, usually through fields of poison ivy 3 feet high.  ^_^

BTDT. I keep a number of tubes of BAND -AID brand anti itch gel (formerly Ruli-gel) handy. Also believe in a product called Tech-nu. Works on your skin if you put it on immediately after exposure. Works in the laundry to neutralize the oil stuck to your clothes.

[intergraph19]

BTDT. I keep a number of tubes of BAND -AID brand anti itch gel (formerly Ruli-gel) handy. Also believe in a product called Tech-nu. Works on your skin if you put it on immediately after exposure. Works in the laundry to neutralize the oil stuck to your clothes.

Washing the exposed areas with dish detergent ASAP will get rid of it too and oh so much cheaper.  Which is what I did.  It was pretty comical acctually, We were riding in Start Park in Manch and we came out of the woods and into a FIELD of poison ivy.  Never seen the like and of course the path wasn't wide enough to turn around on so we had to just ride through it.  It was acctually a lot of fun, cause I didn't catch any.  ^_^

[Pat McCotter]

Just searched (Googled?) ' "anne stevenson" tufts '

Google cache:
Let's Talk About Sex: Part 2 in a 5-part series

The road to a tough decision
By Julia Lifschultz
Daily Editorial Board
November 03, 2004

This article is the second in a five-part series looking at sex on campus. The articles are based in large part on anecdotal evidence, asking the question "How do we behave sexually at Tufts, and how aware are we of the risks?" This second article looks at how one student handled her unplanned pregnancy.

Anne Stevenson was a student at UMass Boston enjoying her time with friends, classes and her on-and-off boyfriend of two years. She was a full-time student with sophomore standing, working at Brooks Brothers on Newbury in her free time, preparing to head off to Oxford her next year on a study abroad program. It was during this time, at the age of 25, that she learned she was pregnant.

Tufts Health Services gave out 42 cases of lubricated condoms alongside 10 cases of plain ones from Sept. 2003 to Oct. 2004. That's 52,000 condoms a year on average, in addition to the brand-name condoms many prefer to buy themselves.

But Health Services also administered 240 "morning after" pills in the period marked from September 2003 to September 2004. And that's not including Sundays, when students had to call directly in to the pharmacy because Health Services was closed.

You're having sex. And some of you aren't protecting yourselves. How relevant is Anne's story to your life?

Stevenson called the news a surprise. "You think you know your cycle, but you really don't because there's always variables to it," she said. "We were both monogamous and had known each other for a very long time. I wasn't worried about STDs, but when I got pregnant, I was definitely shocked."

"I had so many goals, and it was like 'Do I have this baby and give everything up?'" Stevenson said. "I didn't want to be a single mom, which is what it boiled down to. I may not have made the same choice had I known."

"I think a lot of people say that they are pro-choice and they are, but when it comes down to you making the personal decision, it's like 'Could I do this?,'" she added. "And then you start reading up and you realize 'Ok, eight weeks along the kid has a heartbeat, a backbone, and I went to the ultrasound before and I was just like 'I can't have an abortion, I just can't.'"

Stevenson and the father planned to marry, and she moved as far as California to be with him, but two weeks before the wedding, she realized that marriage was not what they needed. By the time Stevenson and the father broke up, she was 16 weeks into her pregnancy.

"So there was no way I was going to get an abortion," Stevenson said. "I mean, I could have, but [personally] there was no way I could. You go to the ultrasound, and I saw him moving and you're looking at the feet."

So Stevenson returned to her parents' home in D.C. to give birth to Reece, her son of almost two years. During the end of her pregnancy, she used that time to apply to several schools in the hope of finishing her education. While pregnant, she interviewed with Associate Dean Jean Herbert and was accepted to Tufts, where she is currently a junior.

Stevenson keeps in touch with her son's father, who is able to relieve some of the financial burden of raising a child, though it "is basically the same as what I would have gotten if I had gone on welfare."

"I was 26 when I had my son - I had traveled and done a lot already," Stevenson said. "If I had been 20 or 22, I do not think I could have handled it. Being a mom is awesome, but it is huge."

"You are forced to depend on people more, which was especially hard for someone as independent as me," Stevenson said. "A lot of people I thought were my best friends disappeared when I had Reece because I could no longer just get up and go at the drop of a hat, and having a kid around was a drag to them. But then I found out who my real friends were, too."

In tomorrow's Daily, part three of this series will look at the ways single mothers like Stevenson balance schoolwork, child care and social lives.

<$>

A morning in the life of a student mother

<$>7:00 a.m. Wake up to Reece poking my eyes out and staring me in the face. He gives me a kiss and now he wants me to magically wake up and play games. Guess the 'childproof' doorknob handle on his bedroom door was a total waste of money. I change his diaper and get him dressed while he runs away laughing.

7:20 I make breakfast for Reece so he can throw it on the floor and laugh at me while I try to clean it up, then shower and get dressed faster than Clark Kent changes into Superman in a phone booth.

7:35 OH CRAP! I forgot to chain lock the inside door to my apartment and now I can hear the 'Reeces monkey' running upstairs in the neighbors' apartment. I am such a negligent mother.

7:35:30 I run up the stairs and let myself into the neighbor's apartment to repo my kid. He is standing next to the bird cage: "Birdie!" OK. He learned a new word. I can't yell at him. So I sneak out and hope no one notices we were there.

7:45 No time for makeup. I pack my books for school and get Reece's bag ready for daycare. Mad that the door is now chain-locked and he cannot get out, he goes into the bathroom and throws a box of Q-tips on the floor and tries to eat my peach-scented deodorant. Now I yell at him.

8:00 I try to put a coat and some sneakers on the little ankle-biter, but he is so squirmy it's like nailing Jell-O to the wall.

8:15 I'm running late. Gotta try and finish up my math homework at breakfast. Pack us into the car and we leave.

8:30 I arrive at daycare. Reece won't let me leave. Babysitter has to bribe him to leave the doorway with Fruit Loops and putting in an Elmo tape.

8:31 I sneak out the door feeling guilty for leaving him at daycare and not staying home with him. Maybe something will happen and I will miss it.

8:45 Park the car and go to the student center and grab a coffee and a cinnamon roll. Do math homework.

9:30 Classes start.

- Anne Stevenson

[Pat McCotter]

Published November 10, 2004
Bringing up a baby while hitting the books
By Julia Lifschultz
Daily Editorial Board
This series of articles seeks to answer the question "How do we behave sexually at Tufts, and how aware are we of the risks?" This article will look at how mothers who are also students balance their campus life with their home life.

Though most females on campus are not familiar with pregnancy, a very large number know the pregnancy panic: the late period that just won't come, the nagging "what if" scenarios that run on repeat all day long, the constant juggling of "options." Inevitably, the period comes and all fears are forgotten, but those twelve hours or even twelve days of life-changing uncertainty are the closest wake-up calls that many college women get.

There are several students on campus for which the blue line did appear. They decided to keep their child and are now enrolled in school while raising a child, often by themselves.

Anne Stevenson is one of those students. The 25-year-old mother of two-year old Reece has junior standing and takes part in multiple clubs, including her work as President of the Resumed Education for Adult Learners (REAL) Program.

The REAL Program consists of a group of 40 and is catered to students 25 and older who want to receive a diploma after the typical college age. Though it was begun for single mothers, it also includes childless students.

"Almost all the REAL students work, have families, and all of us commute to school," Stevenson said. "Most of us do not have time for other clubs, and this is really our only viable connection to other students on campus we can relate to."

REAL was started in the 1970s ago by an administrator who saw there needed to be a support organization for mothers who were returning back to school. Now Jean Herbert, freshman class dean, is the faculty advisor for REAL. "35 years ago ... Women would start college, meet their husband, quit, have children, then really have trouble getting ahead in their careers," Herbert said.

According to Herbert, there are currently five students that are single mothers attending Tufts.

For Stevenson, the extra challenges of being a student with a child follow her everywhere. Stevenson is able to leave her son Reece in daycare when she goes to Tufts for her classes, but even that is a struggle. Although the center is close to campus, she pays $1,000 a month to keep Reece there.

"It took me months to line up daycare," Stevenson said. "There are waiting lists, and just to find referrals - you don't want to put him into just any place. We had two bad experiences with daycare before we found one we really liked."

As far as Tufts daycare is concerned, Reece is not eligible for Tufts Daycare until he is two years and nine months old.

This policy is based on the fact that it is necessary to get state licensing to operate a daycare center, as either an infant, toddler or preschool center. The Tufts center is only licensed as a preschool age program.

Emily Martell, the School Coordinator for Tufts Daycare, said that "Unfortunately, Tufts University does not have an infant program," Martell said. "We wish it did."

Stevenson has Reece signed up for Tufts Daycare next year.

Sometimes, however, - for example, when daycare is canceled due to a snowstorm while classes resume at Tufts - Stevenson has had to bring Reece to class. "A lot of teachers do not appreciate that, because it's disruptive and people pay something like $4,000 per class," Stevenson said. "So they're paying to be in that class and it's disruptive to them.

"I understand where they're coming from, but it's just very, very difficult because you're dealing with professional students," Stevenson said. "And you're a mom - you work, and you have different responsibilities. You can't just go out and party, you have to hire a babysitter. If the babysitter gets sick, you need back-up."

Even with the benefit of daycare, scheduling is never easy. For older students who are also mothers, there are few social outlets, so Stevenson has joined several clubs. In addition to being President of the REAL Student Organization, she is the Communications Director for the Tufts Democrats and Co-President of Students for Kerry. Rarely, however, do clubs meet at a time that is convenient for her.

Stevenson has often brought Reece to her Tufts Democrats meetings. "She brings Reece and it can be difficult," said sophomore Kayt Norris, who is Vice President of the Tufts Dems. "He's a vibrant character - very friendly, outgoing, wants to talk to everyone, claps at random things. It can be a little disruptive sometimes and hard to carry on business when all we want to do is play with the baby."

Norris believes, however, that it is more important for the Dems to keep Stevenson than it is to have a seamless meeting. "It's important to have Anne at the meetings, she's such a positive contribution to the group that if we need to make an adjustment it's definitely worth it," Norris said. "It's team babysitting basically."

Stevenson finds that younger students cannot even consider the burdens present when one has a child. Many students like to meet in study groups, but even that is difficult to manage for a single mother.

"I can't just ditch Reece and go to a study group," she said. "And I live so far off campus and a lot of people don't have cars so they can't come to my house. So then I get excluded from a study group that would benefit me."

Stevenson's social life is also always dictated by Reece.

"I'll go to a Kerry event that's a fundraiser until like midnight or one, and the next morning, Reece does not care," Stevenson said. "He still needs to get up at seven."

"It pretty much kills your dating life - even if the guy pays for dinner and picks you up at your house, say it's four hours and a baby-sitter is $10 an hour, you really have to like that guy to invest $40 in a babysitter," Stevenson said.

"It's weird, but I always used to have nice clothes and people thought I was the last person on earth who would make a good mom because I was pretty superficial," Stevenson said. "But when I had Reece I could not give him enough and I wore the same clothes for three years so that he could have clothes because I love him so much."

"It is strange to think that if I had used a condom the night Reece was conceived my whole life would be different," Stevenson said.

A night in the life of a student mom

<$>5:45 p.m. - After classes end I pick up Reece at daycare. I have to wrestle him out the door and into his car seat.

6:15 - I get home. My phone has seven unchecked messages, and I haven't checked e-mail since yesterday, but I have to make dinner.

6:20 - Reece is trying to climb in the oven and I won't let him. He wants some attention from me because he hasn't seen me all day.

6:45 - During dinner, food gets everywhere: the floor, the wall, the kid. Rule number one for moms: never wear anything that will upset you not if but when it gets ruined.

6:50 - Bath time. He won't let me wash his hair. There is water all over the bathroom. I dry Reece off and we go in his room to put on some PJs. When I turn around, he takes off on me. I hope I remembered to put the chain lock on the door!

7:35 - After reading Reece a bedtime story and putting him to bed he sneaks out of his room.

8:15 - The treasurer of my program calls to let me know about the budget crisis. Now I am stressed. I have an exam tomorrow and need to study. My math homework is four days behind.

9:00 - Tufts Democrats meeting at school. I am on the board and can't miss it. I am dressed in dry clothes and Reece is in his PJs in his car seat. Back to school we go. During the meeting, Reece becomes Captain Disruptive.

9:45 - We leave the meeting early because Reece is ruining it for everyone. I feel bad because of all the work I put into getting guest speakers, and now I can't stay.

10:30 - I put Reece back to bed, then crack open the books and start working.

1:30 a.m. - I go to bed, but Reece starts crying because he wants something to eat and drink.

7:00 - I Wake up to Reece poking my eyes out. He gives me a kiss and now he wants me to magically wake up and play games. Guess the 'childproof' doorknob handle was a total waste of money ...

- Anne Stevenson

[Pat McCotter]

Tufts U.'s Single Parents Should Unite

By Anne Stevenson Tufts Daily ( Tufts U. )
03/08/2006

(U-WIRE) MEDFORD, Mass. -- I remember my first semester here at Tufts quite distinctly: My son Reece was eight months old and had the first of many chronic ear infections, and I missed a lot of classes. Since I could not bring him to daycare with a fever, and my family lives a few thousand miles away, it was the first time I had to choose between my role as a mom and being a student at Tufts.

So I would bring him to class sometimes and sit in the back, embarrassed and wondering if he was being too disruptive. Most of my days were spent going to class and changing diapers, and my nights and early mornings were spent studying and writing papers.

Not only did I have to worry about the state of capitalism and democracy in Japan, education reform in New Hampshire and Massachusetts in the late 1990s, and learning algebra and trigonometry, but I was also learning how to decipher the pitch of Reece's cry as a way of knowing what he wanted. While other students in their first semester were dealing with the drama of painful breakups with their mates back home, I was dealing with custody and child-support battles.

As a way of connecting with other students on campus and keeping myself sane, I joined the Tufts Democrats and started working on John Kerry's campaign. I would bring my son to meetings and campaign events. Later on, during the primaries, I'd bring him up to New Hampshire, and in the sub-zero temperatures, I would strap him to my chest in a snuggly and knock on doors for Kerry in order to keep my winter internship with the campaign. This involvement was the genesis for my commitment to democratic politics -- and my crusade to provide representation for other single parents, a crusade in which I am still actively.

Reece is now three years old, and I am finally going to graduate in May. Over the years I have made many friends here at Tufts, and none of them have kids. This whole time at Tufts I have been walking across campus thinking that I am the only undergrad who is a parent. There are a few other single moms who are in my program for older students, but their kids are nine and older. Some of them have been a lifeline for me, but some have become over-burdened by the stress of work, kids, and school and had to take time off.

While my undergrad friends want to help me out and have been great about babysitting in a pinch, it is hard to feel alone on a campus of thousands. As a mom on campus, I can't go to Fall Ball or Spring Fling, and no one wants to see my stretch marks in the Naked Quad Run, either. I feel like my primary role in life is to be a good mom and raise my son, but at the same time I know that in order to give him the best life possible, I need to complete my education.

My "real life" friends are all single moms, but they are either working in dead-end jobs just to get by or on welfare because they cannot afford child care (which is $1,000 per month) and don't have the support necessary to go back to school.

When I got pregnant with my son I had to drop out of UMass Boston, go on Medicaid and move in with my parents. Instead of saying congratulations, everyone said my life was over. All my friends pretty much dropped to the wayside because we no longer had stuff in common.

Since I did not have any money to buy clothing and things to prepare for my son, I started a grassroots network for single moms so we could support each other and share our resources. We would send each other clothes, toys, books, formula and coupons to help each other out. Most of all we were there for each other. They encouraged me to apply to other schools and to pursue my dreams and let me know that I could be a parent and a lawyer or what ever else I wanted to be. They got me through the toughest months of my life and inspired me to be a better person, mother and leader in the community.

As women and minorities have made strides since the Civil Rights Movement and the Women's Movement, one group that has not moved ahead is mothers. We are the lowest-paid and least desirable to hire despite our level of education, because employers know we will have twice as many sick days (when we are sick or our children are we have to take days off). We cannot stay late or come in early because of childcare issues.

Ninety percent of the people on welfare are single mothers and their children. Single moms in the higher levels of education at places like Tufts are truly a rarity, because we have not found a way to reconcile the role of parenting with that of being a student.

A couple weeks ago, I found out that there are other single moms on campus just like me. I was in total shock to find out I am not alone. It got me thinking about what I could do to help other undergrads, and I have decided to start an organization on campus to get us all together. It would have made a huge difference to me these past few years to just know that someone like me was sitting in my class. I feel like, if we are going to move ahead and succeed in this world, as well as raise healthy happy children, we need to help each other out. We need to bond together and beat the odds by sharing our resources and showing each other how to succeed. There is absolutely no reason why we cannot create "The Village" to raise our children together right here at Tufts. I want to hold the first meeting on Friday afternoon around 4 p.m. This will be a family-friendly environment where we can feel comfortable bringing our kids and sharing our issues and stories.

Together we can find ways to advocate and enable present and future generations of Tufts moms and cross the finish line to graduation with our families beside us instead of hidden in the background. If you are a single parent at Tufts and you are reading this, email me so we can start working together. If you are reading this and you know a single parent on campus who might be interested, encourage them to e-mail me and come on Friday to the meeting. Slip this article under their door if you are uncomfortable talking to them about it. We need to reach out to each other and optimize our resources if we are going to reach our potential as students and parents.

(C) 2006 Tufts Daily via U-WIRE