April 1, North Country style

[KBCraig]

The Berlin Daily Sun doesn't publish on the weekends, so they put out their April 1st edition on Friday. There's some editorializing-through-humor in the "article" about the Gorham-Randolph-Shelburne school cooperative.


FBI 'Most Wanted ' mobster arrested at trailer park

C. No Evil

MILAN— Infamous Boston mobster James 'Whitey' Bulger was arrested Wednesday night at the Heavenly Acres trailer park in Milan where he has been hiding for the past three years.
Striking in the middle of the night, FBI agents set up barriers and surrounded the modest trailer. Bulger's longtime girlfriend, Catherine Greig immediately surrendered, running out of the trailer with her hands over her head, dressed in a skimpy green negligee.
Bulger, however, refused to give up. He kept police at bay for several hours but finally surrendered after agents set up loud speakers and blasted Barry Manilow tunes at the building.

( . . . . )


Gorham Schools problem solution proposed
Coop board votes to privatize

Ten O'Clock Scholar

GORHUM— The GRRRRS Coop Board solved the local schools problems in one 19 minute session this week.
The board voted unanimously to propose privatizing the schools, eliminating the cumbersome necessity of taxing the entire population for matters that really only concern parents of school age children.
Those adults who choose to have children will pay school tuition only for their own children.
Based on the present annual school cost per pupil, doubled in order to account for those who do not choose to participate, Gorham parents would annually pay $21,928 per child; Randolph parents would pay $24,508 per child; and Shelburne parents would pay $22,440 per child.
These fees would only hold true for schools in Gorham. Parents would be free to seek other school solutions, such as home schooling or parochial schools (if you can find one) or tuitioning to other school districts.
This would greatly relieve the populations who have already spent their fair share to educate now grown children or those who have paid their debt to society by admiring the rug rats of various friends but who have elected not to go there themselves—not to mention those who are convinced that the public schools are simply palaces of self interest and power building and have no real interest in what they say their mission is.
"Why weren't the Gorham schools properly maintained all along," some ask rhetorically. "Because they wanted big, expensive new schools," they answer themselves.
Under the new regime, there would be no restraints imposed on those who would like to establish their own schools. Consider the olden days, when youngsters walked five miles each way to the one room school where children learned responsibility by helping children younger than themselves while the teacher was busy with others. They shared books and slates and the teacher boarded with students' families. Think of the money they saved. Those were the days when students learned manners and reading and writing and 'rithmetic, taught to the tune of the hickory stick.
Some families might choose not to educate their children at all, thus solving the problem of illegal immigration. These illiterate American children would not be too proud to do the work illegal immigrants do now so there would be no jobs available for those who sneak across our borders and try to send billions back to foreign lands instead of spending dollars at McDonalds.
Some children might seek out their own education. Consider Abraham Lincoln who after finishing his chores, read by dim firelight in the family's log cabin and grew up to be the president of the United States. So far there are still public libraries where such children could find books.
Some have argued that universal education is necessary to support democracy, but civilization has moved beyond that nostrum. Nowadays the common people can get everything they need to know from TV and the internet. There's no need, really, to spend time learning to read or do math, when popular public figures on TV or YouTube or MySpace lead the way by example and the population follows. Even though the population that voted in the last election was animated by the notion that they were speaking to elected officials, those elected officials appear to have paid no attention anyway.
Also, those with the ability to do so, often send their children to private schools already, so this measure will relieve some of their burden. That's as it should be. After all, they worked hard to get to where they are now and they deserve to do what they want with what they've got. It might be you tomorrow.
A clinching argument is that a lot of children don't want to go to school anyway. Children can just say, "No," and their parents will save a bundle.
If the entire state adopted this education method, there would be no more question of "adequacy" or state aid promised but not delivered or unfunded mandates.
The only mandate that would count would be the parents' mandate and that only if they paid on time.
Finally, schools that failed to make the bottom line would close; the entire state budget and all taxpayers would be greatly relieved.

[Quantrill]

That is AWESOME!  Great article...