"Freedom to Travel" Event

[Russell Kanning]

most of us were very friendly and smiling
the cops mostly looked annoyed

[Tom Sawyer]

Russell's CD going to the airport is why I became involved in this movement...

Recently I dealt with the TSA Security. I experienced the scrutiny of the junior varsity Nazis.

I've recognized the fact that the Drivers License has become an Internal Passport. The Drivers License has little to do with driving and everything to do with keeping track of all the herd. I've stopped participating in these things and wandered off to live free range. Mostly it feels good not to be corralled and controlled. It's not without it's complications.

I had the need to travel for work to the left coast. I knew it would be a little complicated by the fact that the gate keepers would not like my long expired documentation. So with a certain trepidation I left our peaceful sanctuary and headed off to face the blue gloved inspectors of the State.

I had packed my video equipment carefully knowing full well that there was a good chance that my checked baggage would be opened and searched. I needed everything I was bringing with me to complete my job ahead. I was concerned about the risk of losing the opportunity of this project and future work for this client if the blue gloves lost or stole anything out of my equipment cases. I was concerned that the blue gloves could prevent me from making it to the gig.

I arrived 2+ hours early to give myself plenty of time so if they delayed me I would still make my flight.

The check-in process went OK and they didn't notice the date on my license. They had the X-ray machine right beside the airline counter, I was relieved to have the opportunity to see them inspect my baggage. Instead of the snooping happening in the back rooms of the airport. They were curious about all the wires and things the imaging exposed. I explained the contents and the equipment was on it's way.

Now for the fun part, I headed for the security portal. Would they let me through?

to be continued...

[Free libertarian]

I'm starting to get blueballs from waiting for the rest of the story.  I think it was the blue glove reference or maybe it's my tight underwear. 

[Tom Sawyer]

I'm starting to get blueballs from waiting for the rest of the story.  I think it was the blue glove reference or maybe it's my tight underwear.

Not sure that I can help deal with your blue balls situation, but OK I should continue the story ... Do the blue gloves at least give me a reach around? 

[Tom Sawyer]

So having arrived at the teleporter-station airport ridiculously early so the representatives of our Brave New World could have all the time they might need to examine and probe me. I approached the security gate to try and get past the gate keeper.

I had warned Becky that she was not to interact with the epaulette wearing idiots (Lawmakers question TSA $50M uniform contract in light of sequester). Epaulettes, really.  I guess they have to give them something to feel important. 



So yeah, any of you that know Becky, know she might say any number of things that would upset our sensitive "protectors". I told her if she felt any need to bark at them to walk away to a distant point and just observe. I mean she needed to return to take care of the former Prez and keep our little slice of paradise operating.

With my best "I can do this" attitude I approached the gate keeper. He asked for my papers. I produced the former "drivers license". Almost, but no "hey your license is expired." I didn't miss a beat and whipped out my long expired Passport, which used to be perfectly good ID even expired. "This is expired too!" I instantly produced a current Credit Card "I have a credit card." with my best relaxed "this should do it smile". He looked a little confused, then said "OK" and let me pass. I might just make the flight after all. 

Next stop is removing shoes, belt and emptying pockets to run through the X-ray machine. (Dang I hope that this does't damage the video camera and 500 dollars worth of SD memory cards.)

Kind of felt like I was stepping into the Star Trek teleported as I entered the naked scanner. Turn right, put your feet on the yellow foot prints... kind of had me flashing back to the rough predawn experience when I was screamed at to "get the fuck of the bus and stand on the yellow foot prints" at Parris Island. Hands above the head, I assumed the position, the scanner whirled around me. "Step out. How are you feeling today?" asked another blue man. I wanted to say "A little less free." But knowing they had the power to make me miss the important opportunity that was at the other end of my journey, I said nothing at all. (It sucks to be under their thumb)

to be continued....

[Free libertarian]

Alien abductions never go the way you hope they do, so I'm eager to hear the rest of the story.  I can't wait for the part where one of them has a moment of confusion and says, "thank you for shopping at walmart".  Oh, I spoiled it , didn't I?

Remember they can't have your dignity unless you give it to them, but they do have probes!

[Becky Thatcher]

Alien abductions never go the way you hope they do, so I'm eager to hear the rest of the story.  I can't wait for the part where one of them has a moment of confusion and says, "thank you for shopping at walmart".  Oh, I spoiled it , didn't I?

Remember they can't have your dignity unless you give it to them, but they do have probes!

Aliens and goobermint bureaucrats sure do love their probes.  Hmmm, maybe bureaucrats ARE aliens!  No self respecting human would want to probe strangers, even if they were wearing epaulettes.  I sense a Schnergenberger conspiracy.

[Free libertarian]

I sense the fault lies with the epaulette.   There must be a strange force that compels people to probe when;

a) being a space alien

b) wearing an epaulette

I have not seen any epaulette wearing space aliens...yet.

[Jim Johnson]

I sense the fault lies with the epaulette.   
I have not seen any epaulette wearing space aliens...yet.

You are now... a believer.

[Free libertarian]

Which one is Michael Jackson again?

[Russell Kanning]

and think I got on the flight with no ID and it only took 30 minutes of phone calls and no patdown

[Free libertarian]

Okay Tom Sawyer you did a good job building suspense.  Keeping us in suspense is cruel, cruel, I say!

[Russell Kanning]

he might be getting some intense interrogations right now

[Free libertarian]

Let's hope he doesn't give up the location of the treasure map.  You know, THE treasure.

[Tom Sawyer]

 

OK, where did I leave off?

So our intrepid traveller, me, made it through the check point and resisted the urge to tell the gatekeepers of the dehumanizing effect their cold administration of these Brave New World procedures has on me...

Made it across the continent, worked hard, played hard and after staying up for most of the final night to make safety copies of video footage, I arranged my ride to the airport ridiculously early.

The last time I passed through Portland, Oregon's airport, pre 911 even, they singled me out for a more thorough examination. I don't know why they are more uptight there than other airports.

The rest of the video crew was with me as we entered the line for the (in)Security Checkpoint. I had a feeling this time it was going to be more complicated, my goal was to make it home with the footage and the equipment intact. I was glad I'd copied all the video files over for one of the other crew as backup in case things got ugly for me.

Seeing the blue uniformed Security Chick, I was resigned to the fact she was a drone that would blindly follow the "rules". Gee, I wonder what higher legal authority their "rules" are created under.... who knows as they say the "rules" are secret.

Everyone else is more than happy to eagerly present their papers to be allowed the privilege of travel. Kind of a disturbing scene, why are others blind to the historical parallels. One of the effects of having taken this divergent course in life, I have witnessed this steady march toward the Police State.

Security Chick, "Your drivers license, is expired more than ten years!"
"Here, is my passport." I said calmly.
More tense this time, "This is expired too!"

Clearly they were on to me... I'm a video producing Jihadest! 

Continuing to remain calm, not wanting to cause a police riot that would involve me being the target, "Well, I'm still me."      Expired passports were considered perfectly acceptable proof of identity.

"You're going to have to stand over here and wait!"

Several minutes later, after much conversation over radios my new TSA agent walked toward me. "So I'm waiting for you." I quipped. No response on his part. OK he is going to try and play the hard ass role.

When he finally decided he would have to talk with me in order for this to work. lol  He began his interrogation. I have to say I wasn't impressed with his attempts to intimidate me. Junior varsity Nazi wanna be. Not wanting to create any addition conversation points for the little blue man, I refrained from such comments as....

'Gee whiz, you are a very scary man.'
'I've been menaced by professional bullies... I'm not impressed.'
'Where were you in '77, I was at Parris Island... oh yeah you weren't even born yet.'   

He kept hammering away at me, "Why is your ID expired!" "Why is your ID expired!" "Why is your ID expired!"

Kind of hard to communicate when you are dealing with a robot whose program is stuck.

I felt myself starting to become angry, I'm thinking, 'Only with your little costume on would you speak to me like this. I'm your mental, chronological, and physical superior."

OK, getting control of my urge to tell this punk what I think of this treatment I said with a sigh "This is what I have." Referring to my "ID".

Well, I guess, he realized he couldn't bait me into a disorderly conduct charge. With anger and frustration "Come with me!"
My "punishment" was being taken to the front of the line to send my stuff through the X-ray machine. Lots of controlling orders, "You can't touch your stuff!" Kind of silly since I've been handling these things during this whole encounter. 

"Step into the scanner!" I assumed the position of a truly free person... Hands over my head for the naked scan. 

Another Security Chick barked "You moved!" Just a smile from me in response. Heavens you'll have to push the button again, you work so hard. 

As I stepped out of the soul stealing scanner, "What's that!" as Security Chick pointed to a rectangular outline. Damn, that thing picked up on a piece of paper in my pocket. "It's my flight itinerary." Remain calm Security Chick, and we'll all get through this just fine.

Next I was handed off to a pleasant blue man who seemed really concerned about the whole 'I have to touch you all over thing.' I repeatedly reassured him that he could touch me however was necessary to make them comfortable about me getting on the plane. I really don't mind the physical security aspect of boarding a plane... the ID checkpoint is another matter all together. The Drivers License is an internal passport. It is unsettling to see how eagerly Americans have gone along with this.

The pleasant blue man asked, "Would you like to do this in private?"

"No, everyone should see this."

Just then the rest of the crew were making it through the line. They looked at me with fear as I stood arms outstretched, feet apart. I kept wanting to tell everyone.... 'Don't worry, relax and we'll all get through this just fine.'

They inspected and swabbed for explosive residue all the interesting bits inside my camera bag. No way was I going to let that bag out of my sight, the equipment is expensive and more importantly the video footage on the memory cards was irreplaceable.

Finally they seemed to realize I was no physical threat to the safety of others around me and they let me through. Reunited with the other crew members we laughed and waited for our planes departures.

to be continued...