Seeking work as business analyst/reports writer

[Friday]

I'm looking for a full-time position as a business analyst, data analyst or reports writer, anywhere in the state of New Hampshire or close to the state border. I could go on and on about what a magnificent industrial cog I would make, but how would you know my statements could be believed?  Let's instead see what some notable figures have said about me:

Don't leave. Name your price.

- former supervisor #1, senior engineer at Fortune 100 corporation

The best assistant this office has ever had

- former HR Director of 20+ years at Fortune 100 corporation

You play the corporate game well.

- former supervisor #2, owner of high tech start-up, after one too many beers

You're doing a great job! I couldn't get along without you. You do have... how shall I put this... a "prickly" personality.

- Executive Director, former supervisor #3, of former employer. Note the subtle FSP endorsement!   

I like your energy.

- fellow Boardmember of 200+-member trade/lobbying association

It's like some bizarre law of physics. When Sandy is here, there is not enough work to keep her busy. When she's not, there's too much work for anyone else to handle.

- manager, former supervisor #4 of former store

Sandy is a machine.

- former supervisor #5 in national headquarters of prestigious nonprofit

Well, that is just about the rudest thing I've ever heard!

- Sister Margaret, High School Principal

Proud recipient of the Unrelenting Grace in the Face of Unspeakable Evil award, presented by coworker.

I have college degrees from University of California at Berkeley and Golden Gate University, stellar references and AKC registration papers. (The degrees and references are legitimate; the AKC papers are forged.)  I have lots of the requisite techie skills, excellent writing and spelling skills, published in numerous newsletters, a great deal of financial and accounting experience, old-fashioned Puritan work ethic, some knowledge of French and Spanish, years of experience in every work environment (industrial, retail, startup, local, multinational, for-profit, nonprofit), bondable, bendable. Resume is available upon request.  Any leads are much appreciated; please IM, email, call, send smoke signals over the Monadnocks. On behalf of my unborn hungry children, thank you!

    * Oracle 9i, 10g (UNIX, web and Microsoft platforms)
    * Data modeling in ERWin, Visio, Visible Analyst
    * UML, E-R, data flow diagrams
    * Database design, normalization
    * Microsoft Access, Microsoft SQL Server
    * Report design in SQL*Plus, Crystal Reports
    * advanced SQL, PL/SQL
    * PC, Mac and UNIX platforms; MS-DOS, Win 98/2000/NT/XP
    * J2EE web application development,Java programming
    * Web page design and construction using JavaScript, vbscript, ASP, JSP, DHTML, CSS
    * ftp, telnet, vi, pico, XWindows
    * Digital image optimization (PhotoShop, ImageReady)
    * Dreamweaver UltraDev, HomeSite, FrontPage, Oracle JDeveloper 10g
    * Network backups
    * MS IIS web server troubleshooting
    * Gantt charts, PERT diagrams, MS Project 2003
    * Quality assurance, software testing
    * MS Office Suite, LotusNotes, PowerPoint
    * Blackbaud, QuickBooks Pro
    * Double-entry bookkeeping, GAAP
    * Technical writing
    * Financial analysis, cash flow management, budgeting, A/R, A/P, payroll
    * Quantitative analysis via Excel, QM for Windows, statistics, Base SAS
    * Groupware, version control software
    * Data warehouse/data mart design and implementation
    * Dimensional modeling, star schema
    * Scenario planning

[Friday]

   I'm just tooting my own horn in hopes of, you know, maintaining the ability to buy food on a regular basis;  hope I don't sound too arrogant.   

[Michael Fisher]

Holy $%&*, Friday!? Why don't you start a business?? ????

Even my complete ignorance earns $65 per hour as a small business, and my sense of humor is nothing compared to your own.? ?

So where would you like to work?? If you'd like to be anywhere near here, I can keep an eye out for work for you if you forward a complete resume to me.

Maybe they'll have a position for you at Timberland.? I work in computer operations at their global HQ in Stratham, so I'll keep an eye out.

What do you want to do?

Gotta go to work soon.? I'll bbl.

[Friday]

Start my own business?  Well, thanks for the vote of confidence!     I don't feel up to becoming an entrepreneur right now, though; uprooting and replanting myself 3500 miles is enough for one summer, I think.

Working at Timberland sounds cool, particularly if employee discounts on shoes are involved!  I'll send you a copy of my resume.

[Michael Fisher]

Start my own business?? Well, thanks for the vote of confidence!? ?? I don't feel up to becoming an entrepreneur right now, though; uprooting and replanting myself 3500 miles is enough for one summer, I think.

What?  You don't want to risk imminent financial disaster for the next three years?

Why not?   ???   

Working at Timberland sounds cool, particularly if employee discounts on shoes are involved!? I'll send you a copy of my resume.

Sounds good!  I think I've got some clout and will keep my eyes open.

Contractors like myself get 40% off all products at the store located in the headquarters.     A lot of women work there.  While I was training on day shift, it was amazing to see how many women work there! 

[technigirl]

Friday, can you please forward your resume to anne@technigirl.com?? I may have a lead for you in Nashua...? ?

[pcwallis]

Hi techgirl and Friday, come on over to a new section on this forum.  It is called Business and Jobs, do your posting there.  We are trying to get business start -ups and jobs under one roof.

Join us !

[Friday]

Friday, can you please forward your resume to anne@technigirl.com?  I may have a lead for you in Nashua...   

Thanks, technigirl! I'll do that. 

[Friday]

Hi techgirl and Friday, come on over to a new section on this forum.  It is called Business and Jobs, do your posting there.  We are trying to get business start -ups and jobs under one roof.

Join us !

D'oh! I just noticed that section. Maybe a moderator can relocate this thread?

[Kat Kanning]

That's because you posted this before I created that jobs section.

[pcwallis]

Welcome Friday !  Thanks Kat.

Maybe one or two of the new business proposed owners would like to take a look at Friday's background and experience.  After 6PM this Tuesday we may have two new companies starting and may have need for you Friday.  Stay in touch with me to begin with and when we have point people in each group they will contact you.  You should also list your talents on our "Post your skills"

Phil Wallis
Wisconsin