Communicating More Effectively

[dalebert]

This is a long episode and there's a rather long video linked as well.  The video says 10 mins, but it's only the first part.  It's actually many parts long.

But I'm linking it because I think it's well worth spending the time to absorb.  I'm going to be making a conscious effort to examine my own attempts at communication and see if I can improve them with this advice.

http://porctherapy.com/2010/11/08/porc-therapy-096-nonviolent-communication/

[John]

This looks like something I could use - in a big way.

Very recently I've been missinterpreted to almost 180 degrees of what I though I was communicating.
It is so very strange and troubling that I was/am tempted to think that the person doing the interprating was/is influenced by some other negative motive.

Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is both.

I'll have to check out the videos later.

[Lloyd Danforth]

I saw that. I assumed they got up on the wrong side of the bed.

[John]

Way back when, I knew a guy who actually quit talking for a complete year to protest something very mean and nasty and violent that was done to him as a result of some sort of spoken communication problem.

[dalebert]

The core of NVC is actually about communicating more effectively.  As you get better at it, you should actually get better at translating meaning from people who are bad communicators.  People will tend to see it as a conflict resolution skill but it's really much more than that.  It should also prove useful for building healthier relationships and much more.

Try to get past some of the cheesiness in the video.  The guy sings a couple cheesy songs and uses puppets but I found it to be an effective way of demonstrating NVC.

[John]

I almost bought a course on nonviolent communication by this fellow some years ago. Now I've finally seen some of his stuff. Thanks for the links Dale.


Now, I'm thinking about how we are incrementally trained to do violence to one another. Usually it starts with language.
Many of us were taught that it is OK to call other people nasty names because, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me." Right?

This sets us up to not only abuse others by calling them nasty names but, it also sets us up to feel weak, shamed, and confused when we are - in fact - hurt by words.

Some people develop quite a skill for abusing others with words. They can be very subtle, and yet extremely hurtful. Some people do this so much that they no longer even realize (or care?) that they are doing it regularly - as part of their "communication style."

Then there are those others who know, full well, what they are doing and when they are doing it. Sometimes people recognize them as having a "mean streak." But, others feel quite abused and can not put their finger on why, and therefore they feel like there must be something wrong with themselves.
This is a very, very nasty little trick which is often employed by people who wish to control others.

[jerryswife]

Thanks, Dale!!  Watched the videos and bought the book.  The guy is a little weird and some of his examples of dialogue seem stilted but the basic premise is sound and the skills he teaches would, indeed, make for a saner more peaceful world, and much more satisfying interpersonal relationships.

[TackleTheWorld]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

[Mike Barskey]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

hehe, but "a lot" is a value judgment and thus "aggressive" (according to NVC).

[Jim Johnson]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

hehe, but "a lot" is a value judgment and thus "aggressive" (according to NVC).

But your judging Lauren's question as ""aggressive"", while not answering it is evasive.

[dalebert]

Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

I don't feel like people aren't paying attention to me.  Am I mistaken?  Haha.

I lobbed a softball to Pat with that one.

[Russell Kanning]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

hehe, but "a lot" is a value judgment and thus "aggressive" (according to NVC).

is that the North Vietnamese Communist party or something?

[Sam A. Robrin]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

hehe, but "a lot" is a value judgment and thus "aggressive" (according to NVC).

But your judging Lauren's question as ""aggressive"", while not answering it is evasive.

Calling someone "aggressive" is aggressive....

[Mike Barskey]

Calling someone "aggressive" is aggressive....

Yup, according to NVC, it is.

[Jim Johnson]

I noticed you like to talk a lot, Dale.
Are you feeling anxious that no one is paying attention to you?

hehe, but "a lot" is a value judgment and thus "aggressive" (according to NVC).

But your judging Lauren's question as ""aggressive"", while not answering it is evasive.

Calling someone "aggressive" is aggressive....

So you're aggressive. 
And Barskey agrees with you so he's aggressive.

This makes perfect Libertarian sense, because one can not argue the point with out being wrong.

When is Dale going to answer the question?