Coping with mental illness

[KBCraig]

Okay, I'm here to vent and whine.

Some of you know my son Andy (Andrew). He used to post here occasionally as ThePug, but deleted his account.

Short version: he's currently a decompensated schizophrenic with paranoid delusions. He has put the whole family through hell over the last 3-4 weeks, including his boyfriend, whom he's set to marry soon. He's made all sorts of wild accusations that not only aren't true, they're the opposite of the truth.

After showing up at our house in Lancaster and causing havoc for a week, Mary finally had to put him out of the house. He had no money, so she paid for a motel night for him and left money for him to eat on. It was gone by the next morning. He wound up in the homeless shelter, which is awkwardly directly across the street from our house. They weren't going to accept him at first because they thought he was suicidal.

Mary was going to buy his plane ticket back to Milwaukee, but the shelter put him on a bus instead (right as the nor'easter blew through, making it a four day trip).

He deleted his Facebook account and sent rambling and threatening text messages by phone. Then he started a new account and manicly re-friended everyone, with clear-headed plans for the future interspersed with posts from left field. He joyously announced their wedding plans, and his plan to finish college. He and I talked late last night and while he clearly wasn't better, he was acting as if nothing had happened.

Then all of a sudden today he's gone again, and in a rage that the whole family has gone crazy and turned against him. Deleted his Facebook account, or at least blocked us. (He has another account that is still there; I don't know if he knows that I know about that one.) He called the assisted living facility where my mother is recovering from a long illness and ranted about how her kids (that would be my sister and I) are mismanaging her money and haven't let him talk to her in months -- or, at least he thought that's who he called. He actually called his cousin, my nephew, by accident and spewed all this.

By the way, he talked to my mother yesterday. Even posted a very nice message to Facebook about their chat.

Also, my sister has no way to manage or mis-manage any of Mom's money, because she doesn't have access to the accounts. I do, and I haven't touched them. Mom handles all her own finances just fine.

If he shows back up on Facebook, I suggest not accepting any friend requests. I will, because I'm his father and I promised to always leave the door open if he wants it, but Mary and our other kids probably won't, just to avoid the rollercoaster.

He's got Mary devastated, because she was always his safe haven. He ran to her for sanctuary and healing, then left convinced that she's going to kill his dog. A week later everything was hunky-dory. They spent Tuesday morning chatting online quite pleasantly, now she's the enemy again, out to kill his dog.

Yeah. Those of you who have been to our house know what kind of animal haters we are. 

Mary had never in her life called the police, but had to twice while he was there. She'd never been to any kind of counselor, now she's going twice a week to deal with the grief and guilt.

I can't even feel angry at him. I know he's sick. Being angry at what he says or does now would be no different than being angry if he lashed out while delirious from a fever. But, it doesn't hurt any less in the meantime, and we still worry.

Okay. Rant over.

[Tom Sawyer]

OK that does it...  I officially have nothing to whine or bitch about.

Sorry for ya'lls troubles.

[KBCraig]

Thanks for the good wishes. 

On the positive side, I'll be home this weekend. Just for the weekend, but we need the time together.

And apparently, I get to drop his dog off at the airport, since I'm going there anyway. Yes, the dog he's worried we're going to kill -- he walked out and left her there. 

[Becky Thatcher]

Sorry to hear this, KB.  It must be a tough thing for you and your family to deal with.

[KBCraig]

Thanks. I forgot one of the funny parts -- the cousin he called is married to a newly-graduated PMHNP, board certified. 

In 5 hours I'll be boarding a plane home, and should land in Boston 11 hours from now. Then a three hour drive, and we'll get the best therapy of all: everybody pile up on Mom & Dad's bed! 

[jerryswife]

That must be so difficult to deal with, you have my sympathy.  There is a book "Gut and Psychology Syndrome" which posits that schizophrenia may be improved with diet, that the problem is disrupted gut bacteria that causes a leaky gut and toxins/allergens getting into the body/brain.  Of course, convincing someone who is out of there head to try the diet is problematic but for years there have been rumors of people with schizophrenia responding to megavitamin therapy this may be the underlying reason that worked as gut bacteria is responsible for absorbing and or manufacturing certain vitamins.  I don't know if it works or not but the book makes a lot of sense and is worth looking at.  Good luck to you.

[Raineyrocks]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear what your family is going through.

We are going through almost the same thing with our oldest son and I just told him the other week I can't handle taking his manic phone calls anymore as I was his safe haven like Mary.  I feel sick in my stomach, feel like I said the wrong thing, and feel so guilty.

I hope everything works out but it always seems like there are a few weeks of calmness and then wham!

[KBCraig]

We're sitting cozy in front of the fire in the great north woods, getting some mutual healing from the sane ones. It's been hard on all of us being so far apart during all this, but we'll get through.

Thanks for the leaky gut suggestion. He has had a horrible diet for years, and didn't get better as a diabetic.

[Raineyrocks]

That must be so difficult to deal with, you have my sympathy.  There is a book "Gut and Psychology Syndrome" which posits that schizophrenia may be improved with diet, that the problem is disrupted gut bacteria that causes a leaky gut and toxins/allergens getting into the body/brain.  Of course, convincing someone who is out of there head to try the diet is problematic but for years there have been rumors of people with schizophrenia responding to megavitamin therapy this may be the underlying reason that worked as gut bacteria is responsible for absorbing and or manufacturing certain vitamins.  I don't know if it works or not but the book makes a lot of sense and is worth looking at.  Good luck to you.

My son always had a craving for this stuff called Magnesium Calm, (I think that's the name of it), and maybe this is why?  Very interesting, I wish I would've read this book when he was younger and at home.   I know Kool Aid made him crazy so we stopped buying that a long time ago.