With profound sorrow...

[MaineShark]

With profound sorrow, I must inform everyone here that Denise, my wife and the mother of our three children, passed away at approximately 8:15 this morning, after nearly a year battling highly aggressive cancer.  She's been in home hospice care for the last two weeks, and was comfortable and passed peacefully.

She slept most of yesterday.  I woke her at 9PM to give her medications, and she was alert and responsive.  She's been a bit dehydrated and unable to speak for the last few days, but she could respond to yes/know questions, write, and use basic hand signs.  Her last act was to ask me to tell the children that she loved them, before she went back to sleep.  She appeared comfortably asleep every time we checked on her during the night, and was still resting comfortably at 8AM.  At 8:30, when I checked on her again, she was no longer breathing.  The kids came in to pay their final respects.

We're very grateful to the incredible people at Lake Sunapee Region VNA and Hospice for their amazing nurses and doctors who have given Denise and the rest of the family so much support in these last two weeks, and to the amazing team at DHMC who gave 120% in trying to find a way to stop this cancer, and when it was clear that was no longer possible, to treat it as well as could be, to give her as much time as possible with the kids.  Despite dealing with incurable cancers on a regular basis, members of her treatment team were frequently brought to tears over her situation.

She was a one-in-a-billion person, and touched the lives of everyone she met.  As I've often said, she will never be truly gone, because she changed the world, making it a better place in which to live.  While the light has dimmed a bit with her passing, it is far brighter than it would have been if she had not been a part of it.  Rather than mourn her death, we ask of those who loved her, that they instead celebrate her life and the way that she made all of our lives better, and how her children and her other contributions to this world will continue to make it a better place for years to come.

At her request, an autopsy will be performed, so that the doctors and scientists can learn whatever they can, with the hope that her contribution will, in some large or small way, help protect someone else from a similar fate in the future.  Her body is to be cremated, and a memorial will be held in the near future, here in Grafton.  Details will be forthcoming once we iron them out.

A trust will be established for the benefit of the children (ages six, four, and two), and we ask that anyone wishing to make a contribution please wait until that is done, so that it can go straight into the trust.

[Kat Kanning]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Is there anything else you need right now?

[Becky Thatcher]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  But you're right, when someone touches so many peoples' lives, they are never truly gone.  They are kept alive in the stories we tell of them.

[Tom Sawyer]

I'm so sorry for your wife passing Joe.

[KBCraig]

I'm very sorry, Joe. I'm glad I got to meet her in October. There's nothing I can really do to help, but please know you and the kids are in my thoughts.

[John]

 
I'm sorry for your loss Joe.

Our loved ones are never completely gone as long as they remain in our hearts and minds.


I've shared this song with people dealing with the loss of loved ones, and all were glad I did:

Old Man Time - Kate Rusby

Old man time is a rare old man
For a young man he'll ever remain,
With his long grey beard and his clothes are plain
Oh Old Man Time is his name.
As one flower dies
The old mand he cries
The young man he plants the seeds again
With a careful hand, he tends the sand,
Oh, Old Man Time is his name.

This old man has an hourglass
For every soul on the land.
Oh, Old Man Time, I have seen mine,
It's the one with the fastest sand.
No sooner is it turned,
Back through the glass it's churned,
I'm wishing I could have each hour again,
With a careful hand, he tends the sand,
Oh, Old Man Time is his name.

To me, Old Man, your time is rare,
Did God not give you all my sand?
Or maybe mine I had to share
Or is there some left in your hand?
They tell me time is gold, well maybe it's been sold,
Or was it simply washed away in rain?
With a careful hand, he tends the sand,
Oh, Old Man Time is his name.

If I brought him a sack,
Do you think he'd put some back?
I know one day across my path he'll come,
But as for now, I can't say how,
I know that old man's work is far from done.
For Old Man Time has just begun.


(I'll post a link to this thread to facebug.)

[doobie]

So sorry for your loss, Denise was a wonderful person and will be missed by many.

[jerryswife]

Deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[bigmike]

Sorry to hear this, Joe.

[Sheep Fuzzy Wool]

Sorry for your loss.

[Jim Johnson]

Lauren and I both send our deepest sympathies for your loss.

[Free libertarian]

•Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

[MaineShark]

Thanks, everyone.

We will be holding a memorial for Denise on Saturday, May 4th. In keeping with her wishes, it will essentially be an "open house" in which friends and family can spend time sharing stories, thoughts, and comfort, rather than a ceremony of some sort. Start time will be approximately 10AM, and end time will be approximately 4PM.

The memorial will be at the Peaceful Assembly Church in the center of Grafton. The address is 860 Main Street. Parking is around the perimeter of the town green, directly across from the church. A light lunch and snacks will be provided. If anyone would like to bring additional food, please let us know.

Also, if you will be attending, please RSVP if possible, so we have some idea of the size of the group.

In lieu of flowers, donations for the children's trust fund would be appreciated.

The site is not complete, but there will eventually be a permanent memorial at http://www.denisememorial.org/ If anyone has photos or stories to add, please contact me, or bring them to the memorial.

[Russell Kanning]

That is rough.

[Raineyrocks]

I am so sorry Joe, it's hard for me to find any words to write.    I know that it only took one time to meet Denise to just feel what a true, wonderful person and mother she was. 

My heart goes out to you and your children.