Why... Am I brainwashed?

[lordmetroid]

My mom uttered the words that I was brainwashed because since I studied American history from the point of the revolution and forward and understood the concept of liberty. I can't help my whining and preaching about how shit Sweden is. Mum is perfectly happy living like she does now without owning anything or being able to pursue happiness without the government telling you how to do it and having debt like everyone else and still believe she owns her house, her piece of land and everything else of major value.

My dad is a social-liberalist(Global terminology as in freedom). He don't see himself as a planner and don't think it is any wrong in micro-planning just as long as he gets the liberty he most desires and doesn't have at the moment. Arguing with my dad is no idea as he immediatly gets loudly vocal and angry so whatever.

My brother told me to not make him listen to some atheist youtuber because he "doesn't want to be brainwashed liked me". My brother is an ignorrant piece of sheeple that doesn't care about anything but being zombie(to the point where he doens't even go an talk to someone on the phone when it is for him until you yell at him to get over there) playing World of Warcraft. So I try to teach him a little bit of society from my point of view of anarcho-capitalism backed up by moral arguments... I suppose he listens but probably I'm just preaching without an audience.

I accepted my parents are unkowingly communists and completely embraces it even though they outright refuses to acknowledge it. It just hurts when my broher see me as a lunatic. Really makes me depressed, angry and thinking this might not just be worth it. Fuck! This is turning out to be one of my shitty rants again where I come to the conclusion in the end that I despise society, me and life itself as nature forced upon me. I don't have any friends, I don't have any work, I don't have anyone to hang out with. My family thinks I am a psych-case and all I do all day long is sit in front of my computer engaging in politics on various homepages and study Macro-economy, American History and Politics.

I am smarter than your average Swede I would say, interested in all natural science and majorly in Biochemistry/Molecular Biology. I don't have an easy time expressing myself since I don't have anyone to talk to as evidence by my fucking unscripted video regarding freedom of speech on you tube. It makes me feel very inferior as I can't engage in any intellectual debate as I get pwn because I don't find my good arguments fast and when I do they don't get expressed very clearly and have big flaws fully visible. I haven't finished any University degree yet because I like everyone else endebted myself and now I just don't find that it yeilds any interest. I like studying as evidence shown by me continue to study on my own. I just don't like to do all the tiresome work that I am being told. It doesn't interest me, I am a theory guy! I studied before I quit totally. I studied for 3 years in Natural science majoring in Biochemistry and minoring in biology and some scarse courses of math, physics and computer science just because I felt like it. Was abroad in Japan for 1 year and learned Japanese sufficiently to play video-games, read easier literature and have easier conversations. Then I was no longer interested in the tiresome studies of science but went in to the state's teachers program. But due to my inadequate theatrical skills I am not a very good teacher. Nor do I agree with the whole school-system anymore. So I quit every official education and I am left with huge debt and no real-qualification. I enjoyed coding but my skills are of no use as I like coding in language no one uses anymore it seems. Nor am I enough proefficient in it to think that my labour would be of any value. Don't enjoy coding anything now, never completed anything I started and the prospect of starting anything new or rewrite any project I previously tried coding doesn't intrigue me. I don't know how to perform any manual labor suck as construction, mechanics, electrics, production, managing. Nor do I know business-economy well enough to support myself. The only thing I know is to be kind, too kind. Kind to the limit that I am many times not able to take myself into consideration as first priority when I really should.

So in essence, I have no skills I can feel proud of. I am regarded as a lunatic, I have no friends and those I have I don't particularly enjoy being with, I have no idea how to seduce a woman. I am fat, I am lazy, I am really ugly, I don't know English well enough to the point of where I can be taken as a native and I don't know Swedish anymore because 8 years of only typing and reading English made me illiterat in Swedish. I am constantly rejected as stupid by people because I can't express what I know properly in speech nor in writing

Fuck it... The world...  ... I hate fucking everything one can imagine 

[error]

It sounds like you're perfectly fine, and everyone around you is brainwashed.

You shouldn't stay in such an unhealthy environment.

[Caleb]

You don't sound brainwashed, but you do sound depressed. Maybe you should find some more positive friends ... it sounds like everyone you hang around is a downer to you.

[error]

You also should come to realize that your parents and family members are simply other people. That they are your family doesn't mean that they are suddenly more right, or that you need their approval. If the whole lot of them have it so completely wrong, which it appears that they do, then you should be prepared to leave them to wallow in their stupidity.

[eques]

Aw, dude...

This is turning out to be one of my shitty rants again where I come to the conclusion in the end that I despise society, me and life itself as nature forced upon me.

I think you started out with that as your premise.

In any case, bucking belief systems is not easy work, especially when you want to convince those closest to you of the danger you perceive.

I infer from your writing that you are somewhat younger than I am... and... well, I think I've been in some of the same places you have.  I certainly don't have a silver bullet for you... all I ended up doing in the end was learning to ride it out.

[eques]

Oh and... regarding not being taken as a native due to whatever you think your deficiencies are in English?

Man... you should hear some of the people that live in the United States, and they get by just fine! 

[error]

I disagree. I think  the hardest part is not changing your own beliefs; it's escaping the psychological leash one puts on oneself with respect to family.

[eques]

Ah... yeah, I can relate to that.

[lordmetroid]

I am okay leaving my family for immigrating to USA. I have family in New York which I really like. I don't want to be alone. I go nuts as I have no one. The only people I even have contact with on my free time is my family even though I don't talk to them much. Moving to an appartement would be to codemn yourself to the isolation cell on a prison. Not something I want to do again as I did it once in for my first year of studies at the university. Ended up commuting with train that took two hours on way for a year.

I am really afraid of trying new things out. I don't want to get a job, I don't feel like I can handle a job and it's scary. I don't find applying or searching for people that are willing to hire me very interesting neither. It's tiresome repeating work so I just live as a parasite-single. I don't want to move too because I am afraid of being alone and I am afraid of supporting myself. I am a pity piece of human being and libertarian considering I want to live as a parasite on welfare rather than living after my ideals.

I have all these kinds of imaginary dreams(Don't know if I really want to do fulfill those dreams) like building myself a house, get some farmland I can produce food on, start my own businesses to gain passive income. Modify/build a vehicle so I can be self-suppliant on energy for traveling purposes. Build a rail-gun(Crazy science project dream) and some more shit... But I don't do these either because I don't know how or because I don't find any motivation to start.

[error]

Life is scary. Every last little bit of it. That's just how it goes.

You can either run and hide, or use that brain for what it was intended for: bringing reason to bear in banishing your irrational fears.

[Russell Kanning]

maybe you could just start doing some of the stuff you are interested in .... even if you don't get paid for it yet ... you will accomplish things and people will see you getting things done.

[cyberdoo78]

Hail Lord Metroid!

Sorry I'm just being funny. We've spatted about on the FSP boards before I hope you really do come to the US. NYC is one step closer to the promise land my friend. I'll be seeing everyone in Nov-Dec and I honestly would love to hang out with you and tease you about your accent. Maybe you could teach me a little Swede(Swedish) and I could help you on your english, but be forewarned I'm a high school drop not to mention a product of the public education system, so if you learn any English from me, it will be wrong.

I honestly like what you have to say and I think you will find alot of like minded people in NH. I like most of the people I've talked to, a majority of them are 'good people' from what I can tell via internet communications. Don't worry about a job, don't worry about a place to stay right now. I'm sure that you could find someone in NH to board with while you get a job and then find a place to stay.

I'd offer you a place to stay with me and my family for a short while if I was I NH right now. Well keep up with us and let us know what is going on, I'm on yahoo messenger if you want to chat me up(I think thats how the europeeins say it).

Forrest

[CNHT]

Well how old are you? You seem way too young to give up yet.

Just the fact that you realize what is wrong around you is progress.

Just the fact you don't want to live on welfare is a good thing.

Many people your age and much older haven't found their 'niche for what they would like to do in life so I would not be too hard on yourself.

Just keep living and believing in your ideals and eventually you will find your way.

Don't give up!

[lordmetroid]

I am 23 or in 20 or so days 24... Yikes, I am old too! Yeah, my plan is to get a work even though I don't emotionally want to work at the moment. I know I need money to be able to move. So I am trying to get some money from whatever source possible. After that fix a working visa, rent an appartement and fly over to New Hampshire to try to get a work there.

[stitcherman]

we were all born in captivity.

realizing that you are a slave is freedom!

at your age you are ahead of the game; a fast learner.



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