Tyler's Trooper Troubles

[error]

I rarely speed. As a result, I can't even remember when was the last time I spoke to law enforcement officers at the side of a highway.

[penguins4me]

Unlike error, I'm a rebel! ... Okay, but I do tend to go ~nine miles/hour over posted speed limits on almost all roads except through school zones and where *I* deem it unsafe to go any faster.

Did get pulled over once - "driving on the shoulder", as opposed to parking on the freeway in the off-ramp lane.

Old Man Murphy must be taking his naptime when I'm on the road, as I've gone through counties in Kansas where (I'm told) it's plain illegal to transport handguns in a vehicle (or at least the way I was) while zipping along as around 20 over due in large part to a busted speed-o-meter... didn't even _see_ a cop.

Having said that, I fully expect to be behind bars within the next few days...

-edited to add:
I am aware of zero places within the USA where an unloaded rifle in the car's boot is illegal. ... Except for schools. And sometimes airports. With some types of rifles. Blah.

[Bald Eagle]

Buy and Read Boston T. Party's You and the Police.

Find a way to chain your trunk closed - Open the trunk like usual, but then reach in and unlock a padlocked chain to fully open it.  Run the chain through the handle on a filled jug of gasoline - yeah, go ahead and torch cut that chain!   

Post a big sign on top of everything in the trunk, stating that you have a reasonable expectation of privacy, and that a warrant is required if they want to search your vehicle. 

Rig it so that unless you turn off a switch, opening the trunk activates about a billion lumens of light shining right into their faces.   

"    The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.    "

Keep all of your belongings in locked containers.  Force them to get a warrant.
Keep red herrings in the car.  Give them lots of stuff with ink and habenero peppers and razor blades and sewing needles to play with.  Keep a tuna fish sandwich in a tightly sealed but unlocked ammo can.  "Oh, sorry - I forgot that was in there - thanks for finding that for me, I've been looking for that since my Bible retreat in 1987."

Basically, teach them that the more they DO, the more miserable their lives get.  Maybe they will be taught to dread each and every person they pull over and keep the encounter to the very minimum required by their Police Chief masters.

[TylerM]

 

That is so devilishly wicked and awesome.

Actually, it seems my trouble started because I was inquiring about elongated locking security cases at Office Max. So, I'll just fill the trunk with them I guess. xD 

EDIT: And that quote... I heard that read in one of Poetic Death's songs.. What is it from?

[porcupine kate]

That's because I'm devilishly wicked and awesome.   

The quote is from Pulp Fiction.  Not that I'm a big fan, but it just struck me as a good quote for something like this.

[Bald Eagle]

Have you considered taking up beekeeping and installing a hive in your trunk?

Sure officer, you can look in the trunk, I've got nothing to hide. 

[TylerM]

We actually keep bees, so that's an interesting option as well.

And know someone who smuggles moonshine inside bee boxes from other states. xD